Good fucking God!

I was reading posts in hear and the other BP site, sex, sex, sex. Oh what a distraction and a fun one at that. That is how we are, distracted and looking for a distraction. When you finally let go of distraction you have nothing to talk to anyone about. I fucking hate the lack of real support and everyone asking stupid questions about their fucking mania like it's a fucking mystery. What a bitch.  Yesterday I was one with the Universe, still am but I am very short fused today. Made sure I slept right and ate good and got exercise. I want to prolong this since I'm so afraid to take medication again right now. Then I have to ask myself is it mania taking hold? Oh it probably is cause I have no desire to let go of it and every desire to follow that special calling that eventually leads to risks I ordinarily wouldn't take. But I'm in it. I want to seduce my friend just for the sake of fucking him. I don't think I really even like him. If I'm going to use someone why would I want to do it to someone I care about? Now where did that thinking come from? Oh he'll probably enjoy it anyway. And then there's the thinking that everyone on TV is fucking doing it so why can't I have reckless sex? Why can't I go out dancing all night? I hate this fucking controlled fucking life!!!! Wow I didn't even realize I was in that much need of venting! Boy am I a piece of work. Oh I love myself. Gotta stay safe. Man I wish a fucking med would work and not give me so much side effects. It's what I get for having such a great body I suppose. I love my body. I do not look or feel 50. I haven't had sex in 2 1/2 years. That's fucked up if you ask me, responsible or not!!!