Good & Bad

Well, they announced the performance bonus award winners today.  Gold and platinum go to Atlantis Casino and resort in Bahamas, trip for 2.  I won the silver.  So it is nice winning an award, but no trip.  Bummer.  Could have used a few days away in the sunshine.   Trying to motivate myself and be more positive.  I really have had a case of the blahs.  I am exercising, but have not been to the Y for weights due to weather.  Just really tired and blah.  Having a hard time this week focusing or staying focused.  Minor case of depression maybe?  Trying to eat healthy and cut back.  I really really want to go over 1 lb this week.   David has been off.  We had 8 inches of snow last night but it ended around 10pm.  So then we did not go to Cathechism as it was cancelled.  He threw one of his little tantrums as he thought he was going to be able to watch tv and play video games.  Paul wanted him to get some of his pages written in the "I will not play with matches" book.  His choice was write 2 pages or go to bed.  David went to bed at 6pm with no dinner, his choice.  Paul was going to go talk to him.  I said no, that was David's choice.  David stomps off to his room, so be it.  I am not begging.  David HAS to learn to live with HIS decisions.  He chose to go to bed and not eat.  so be it.  Then he gets up this am and thinks no school and he is sitting watching tv.  Well, was he really disappointed to discover that not only did he have school, but no delay.  So now I have to get on him to get busy and get ready since he has school.  He just shuts down and refuses to make his bed or brush his teeth or take his medicine.  It takes maybe 9 minutes, if he takes his time, to do these things but we waste 30 minutes fighting with him to do it.  And I am tired.   Now he is home and was looking fine and about to eat a huge piece of cake and I said no snacks until after dinner.  He says no homework and wants to play video games.  I said no, not until you get three sheets of your writing done about not playing with matches.  Now he has a cold he says and is laying in bed.  I mean really.  If I could trust him to tell the truth, this would be easy.  But he lies all of the time.  I am so frustrated.  I know that if this kid does not learn to deal with "life" he is in BIG trouble.  All of this is just over stupid stuff and not getting his way.  I feel like we are stuck sometimes in the "terrible twos."  And I am tired of feeling like a stinky parent.  I love him and I want him to be happy and have a normal childhood, or as close to normal as possible.  That includes a few chores, bathing himself, eating right, brushing his teeth.  Why should I feel so horrible about this?  Kids are supposed to have boundaries.  I am tired of feeling bad.  I refuse to feel bad.  I refuse to accept responsibility anymore for his bad feelings and bad behavior.   This weekend is supposed to go up in the 50's.  Snow melt and sunshine.  Maybe that will help me some.  Maybe I need to go shopping?  Temporary fix but sometimes helps.  I should go to the mall by myself this weekend.  No clothes though.  I am trying to wait and shop when I drop a size or two and can buy a few new clothes.  Oh well.  What to do?  And all of this makes me want to drown my sorrows in a 1/2 gallon of chocolate ice cream and I can't do that.