Gonna try this. alittle about me.
First off I want to apologize for my horible grammar and misspelling. anyways. I guess by the audience you can tell that I have been abused, I'm depressed. I guess I will start from the begining. Its a long one so hope you have time. Well I grew up in a extremly verbally and emotionally abuseive home. I want to be one of those strong people who can say that it didn't bother them. Well after being in denial for a while, I can say that YES it did effect me and it has me messed up in the head, and has probably played a big part in my life and were i am today.Secondly after haveing to deal with all of that growing up, moveing out when i was 18 to get away from it, and then haveing the harsh reality of life knock me on my a**, you could say i have been fighting depression for a very very long time.
Thankfully I found love, but thanks to all the messed up stuff in my head I kind of devloped a codependency on him. He seemed to be my only anchor to reality. Well now after being the only boyfriend i ever had and being together for 6 yrs. we got married. been married now almost 3 year as of today. Even though he has been with me now for 8yrs i still find it hard sometimes to think that someone could love me and i have alot of self esteem issues to thanks to all the abuse growing up. and the fact that my in-laws have their own set of issues to bring to the table doesn't help either.
Well all that crap growing up, also has seemed to affect my career path and choices. I had to find the quickest job i could find being 18 and all tring to live on my own. so i got my first job at a big-box retailer. slaved away there for 2 yrs anf the horible way they treated me and other employie there ddint help my condition. well haveing to keep money comeing in, i left them and took a grocery job, well that lasted all of like 6 mths thanks to budget cuts, then off to another job at another big retail store, where i got hurt there physically and it has messed my back up. go figure with my luck in life.
well to make a long story short you can see the pattern here. i have been stupid enough to have had 7 jobs in 7 years. So with that track record after loseing this last job, no body seems to want to hire me. Even though my last 4 jobs have all been in the same field of animal care. the economy sucks!!! in the area we live in and we hae tried to move to other areas but had to come back cause liveing expences are just too high for us to afford anywhere else.
I'm just sad, scared, lonely( hubby gives what support he can but...), haveing anxiety atacks that keep me up at night, alng with the night mares of child hood. I just need someone to talk to i guess. that is what helped my depression before but thanks to my latest run with unemployement, it is comeing back with a vengence. thanks for reading. God bless!
Thankfully I found love, but thanks to all the messed up stuff in my head I kind of devloped a codependency on him. He seemed to be my only anchor to reality. Well now after being the only boyfriend i ever had and being together for 6 yrs. we got married. been married now almost 3 year as of today. Even though he has been with me now for 8yrs i still find it hard sometimes to think that someone could love me and i have alot of self esteem issues to thanks to all the abuse growing up. and the fact that my in-laws have their own set of issues to bring to the table doesn't help either.
Well all that crap growing up, also has seemed to affect my career path and choices. I had to find the quickest job i could find being 18 and all tring to live on my own. so i got my first job at a big-box retailer. slaved away there for 2 yrs anf the horible way they treated me and other employie there ddint help my condition. well haveing to keep money comeing in, i left them and took a grocery job, well that lasted all of like 6 mths thanks to budget cuts, then off to another job at another big retail store, where i got hurt there physically and it has messed my back up. go figure with my luck in life.
well to make a long story short you can see the pattern here. i have been stupid enough to have had 7 jobs in 7 years. So with that track record after loseing this last job, no body seems to want to hire me. Even though my last 4 jobs have all been in the same field of animal care. the economy sucks!!! in the area we live in and we hae tried to move to other areas but had to come back cause liveing expences are just too high for us to afford anywhere else.
I'm just sad, scared, lonely( hubby gives what support he can but...), haveing anxiety atacks that keep me up at night, alng with the night mares of child hood. I just need someone to talk to i guess. that is what helped my depression before but thanks to my latest run with unemployement, it is comeing back with a vengence. thanks for reading. God bless!
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