Gone Backwards And Stuck

Last week, Tuesday night I was admitted overnight because I didn't feel safe to go home. The same thing happened this Wednesday. I didn't want to feel that way anymore so I did the only thing that I knew worked...I stopped eating. Unfortunately, it works. I feel safe again. Now I'm scared to start eating properly again. Until this lunch time I hadn't had any solid food since Wednesday lunch time. Today I managed half my lunch portion at day patients but it's really hard. I've reached the point where I know if I have more today, I'll have had more than yesterday. My therapist is so good but he's said he can't concentrate on anything other than my eating while i'm still starving myself. I struggled so much to try and sort out some of the thoughts I was having and I just couldn't do it anymore. I want to go back now and try again, try and fight it with my therapist, but now I'm just so scared of eating. Why did I miss that first meal!!!