gone away

gone away to the stars won't ever come back again I think maybe this time is the one should've  just gone away to the stars and stayed but life on this earth is not done with me I beg and plead I cry and heave please please just let me leave
they say one day one hour or even one minute at a time...they have never had to deal with it all so what do they know about the utter despondence the horrible truth that I can never just be
 
the voices say howdy the music doesn't drown them can't go numb or even disappear into the safety net of disassociation what is left of me struggles to maintain
maintain maintain maintain that's all I have to do but nobody said that maintaining is how to live I want to be healthy I try all of my protocols but I keep hitting the bottom of the barrel and wish that I could go to the stars with my Lord He tells me to stay so I must I can't take my life and don't know how to live maybe I should just  dive
I wish to dive to the deepest part of the sea and forever hold my breath but He says I must stay and live the voices are cruel and unrelenting they tell me I must cut I must die that I am nothing and I don't deserve to live my life
 
who to believe I must always trust in my God but the temptations of the voices grow ever louder with each passing hour