Going without

I've been using porn in replacement of proper sexual interaction. I stopped looking at it for the first couple years of my marriage. jesus taught that lusting after a women in your heart is the same as actually committing the act with her. I believe this to be true in the way that it affects your mind and soul. It was fine for a while, when she was always willing to please me, as I was with her. Over time she became less and less willing until now I can't even be bothered to try unless she is giving clear signals, which is now less than once a month. At some point I started looking at and reading explicit material again. After a while I realized that when I stopped, thoughts of other women were filling my head, and I became convinced that I had to continue or I would cheat on her for real. I recently cried out to God to do whatever was necessary to help me stop as I was recognizing the damage it was doing to my ability to have normal relationships with any women. I was sexualizing them all, which embarrassed me, so I avoided conversations with them as much as possible. I'll continue later, off to work.