Going to visit Jerry

My brother had been living in a nursing home, he has dementia and ALS. The ALS is going to be the end of him, and rather soon. He reached out to me this past week, made me feel terrible that I have not spoken to him in so long. I know what is happening but I've not been there for him. He has been there for me throughout my life. So I scraped together enough for a ticket and am flying out to AZ on Friday to see him. I hope that he is lucid and that seeing me gives hima moment of happiness, even though I know that he may not know me at all. He is in and out of it, with delusions etc.  He can't stand, can barely use his arms, has trouble breathing, it is so sad. This man has always been so outstanding. He lived his life as a doctor, and devoted a day a week to a free practice to give back to society. Even though his family needed him around, he felt the need to do this. 
One thing I respect him for, he has had the best marriage of anyone I've ever known. He and his wife have been so in love and so good for each other.  Definitely the way it should be. I remember having a conversation with my nephew several years ago, and he told me that one thing he always banked on was knowing, without a question or doubt, that his parents loved each other. Anyone who has ever known them would agree. 
Last night I was looking through my old pictures to take with to show him. I found several letters, many letters, that he had written to me throughout the years.  He was such a good brother and friend to me - much better I think than I ever was to him.  8 years ago when I needed major surgery, he asked if anyone was going to be with me, as he knew I was estranged from my so called wife.  He flew out to be with me before during and after the surgery, what a blessing he is and has always been to me!
While looking through these old letters and photos, I found all these old cards and letters between me an my ex. Reading them it looked like we were like any other couple, married, with kids, in love. These stopped in 1990 when we our son was born. I guess thinking back that was when she had decided she didn't need me much any more.  Its been a long time since I thought about happy times with her, but truly we did have a loving sharing marriage, once.  It hurts to think that, and to think that its gone, and knowing its really gone, over, kaput.  
But I digress. I still don't really know what I will say to Jerry. I know he can't talk easily and that he will enjoy hearing my voice and seeing me there.  I wish there was more, more time, more love, more memories. But I cherish what I have,and will try to be a decent brother now, and until the end.



I am so glad you are going, so happy that you are making the trip.I pray he will be lucid enough to know you, but I have a strong feeling that he will feel the love that brings you to him.
I am solitary for the most part, so I often reflect on what was. It is important to assess that once we had love in our marriages. If I did not believe it was there once, I don\'t know how I would negotiate the rest of this lonely life. But it is a dual edged sword.... you know you had it, and you know it is gone. Very hard that.
I hope your visit connects you with Jerry, that you will both be happier with this chance to be together.
You gotta know, if you are in my \'hood, my friend Steve is very very welcome.
Best of luck in your travels, and if you are near Tucson and I can be of any help, you can count on me.