Going to Church.

How do you continue to stay up and go to church, play Christian music.  It's getting harder than easier.
Depressed.  Just can't at times handle my son Kenny is gone..Feel I am losing touch with life.  I never been depressed before, so really don't know how to handle it.  Can't take meds and don't want to but just how in the world do you deal with you child, you son, your daughter being gone.  Life sure is unfair.....
Sandi