going through the house
Now that things are started to settle down and that I have to get the furnature ready to have it moved to my stbx, I have noticed odd stuff, well I have noticed for a while now. But now digging into the shelfs and other stuff reviels more odd stuff. I was clearing off a vase with a plastic flower in it . I was going to rise it off and noticed stuff inside, pens, paper reciepts, potato chip bag clamp, lighter, bills all ranging from 2001 to 2006, this vase was in a new kitchen that I installed 6 years ago. What was it doing there??.
I found under the cooktop same thing, a chewed plastic dog toy next to the serving bowls, candles in fiber baskets, items in potted plants and the list goes on and on. Its like she has been loosing it for a long time, and I just did not notice. How could I not?? She was a clean freak, but nothing is really clean behind or under items, under couch, behing cabinets, decor items just behind cabinets. I am very very puzzled. I just keep finding more stuff as I go throught this house. I feel very sad, like I should have noticed, I could have helped her, and I let her down.... I know what I did was self preservation for my son and I , but I do wonder if I could have done something to help her.
I found under the cooktop same thing, a chewed plastic dog toy next to the serving bowls, candles in fiber baskets, items in potted plants and the list goes on and on. Its like she has been loosing it for a long time, and I just did not notice. How could I not?? She was a clean freak, but nothing is really clean behind or under items, under couch, behing cabinets, decor items just behind cabinets. I am very very puzzled. I just keep finding more stuff as I go throught this house. I feel very sad, like I should have noticed, I could have helped her, and I let her down.... I know what I did was self preservation for my son and I , but I do wonder if I could have done something to help her.
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I don\'t think you could have helped her any more than I could have helped my X. Alcoholism is a mental illness, and one of it\'s main traits is the lying and hiding. My X was so good at it. Even when I did notice stuff, asked him about it, he convinced me everything was fine. He even went so far to say that MY memory was getting so bad I should be checked out for Alzheimer\'s. And I did get checked.... I don\'t have it, and the doctor and I couldn\'t figure out what my problem was...
But the 30 day restraining order figured it out... because my memory was back full force that first week... because when I cleaned, I found the things I\'d been asking for (my gym bottles, etc), filled with liquor.
Even now, divorced for over a year now, I wonder if I could help, but it\'s obvious I can\'t. Because he\'s gotten another DUI, had another seizure, is enrolled in another rehab program, and still going to the liquor store. If I were there, all that would \"help\" would be that I would be the scapegoat (the thing the sinner lays all the blame on and sacrifices). He\'s even turned away from his son now as well...
I\'m sorry for your pain, frustration, hurt. {{HUGS}}
I remember being told that because my mother has dementia, that I will have some form of mental illness, I also just was going crazy, or thinking I was going crazy, I could not figure anything out, once I did, I didnt. For years, she did this. she was never to blame for anything...nothing, even if it was plain as day.
We also have to remind ourselves that no matter what we tried to do, or how hard we could have tried, nothing was going to change unless our addict exes wanted to change things themselves.
Also as far as the blaming is concerned, I think for them it was far easier to find fault with us than to take a long hard look at themselves and admit they had a problem.