GOING ROUND IN CIRCLES N REPEATING MYSELF!!

im scared..scared of admitting when im downscared of peoplescared of going outscared of life but most of all im scared offMYSELF!my mum wonders why i dont tell people about me cutting myselfits not exactly something you shout from the rooftops, its not something im proud of!all i ever hear is "you cut yourself for attention" and to be honest im sick of giving the same answerits not for attention, its a cry for help!im doing it cuz thats the only way i know of to deal with my pain and emotionsthats what i do to feel human!people look at my arm and say "are you totally stupid"my answer = no im a normal person with a lot of problems!people call me so many names its unreal, my mum tells me to laugh at it.im sick of laughing at it i have done for the past 4 years hoping things will get better but now i bite back!people call me fat or ugly or something like that, i tell them what i think.tonight i actually managed to find the courage to go out with my friends.then a boy called me a fat ugly sucidal freak and instead of laughing at it i went mad!who the fuck do u think you are, your not exactly special yourself!where do you get off calling people names!how can you sit there and judge people when you know nothing about them!it made me so angry and then cuz i knew he was right i got home and cut myself yet again!im sick of living like this!