Going on 3 days..
I don't want to be doing this I honestly don't. And I don't know why I can't. I haven't put anything in my mouth other than water, diet drinks (1calorie stuff) and tea (3calorie stuff). Its been three days, which I know isn't too long, but I have been taking ever meal down the toilet before that, and only dinner monday.. which didn't last long as you know anyway.. I don't know how to stop myself, I'm not feeling hunger anymore. My disorder is praising me, but killing me at the same time. I'm getting all the dizziness, fatigue and aches again, I'm losing weight, (disorder says not enough) though my mood has been feeling a bit better, today was the most concentration I have had all week at university. I have a GP appointment this afternoon, but I don't know if they would do anything. My parents don't force me anymore because they are too afraid of me running away, I guess its sort of safer for me to be home not eating then me out, alone, on the streets, not eating anyway. So cold too!! :( Are nails meant to go bluey/purple in the cold? Its only 22'C outside, colder in class in the air conditioning though.
:'( Need some support even though I know it won't fix everything, just so I don't feel so alone.
BTW. Mum was really nice yesterday, very supportive and saying what can she do to help me get through the next week of university, but I don't know how she can help me. She's going to help me go through the studies and assignments to help out a little, although, yes I am doing the work, not her, which is ok.
I hope everyone else is going alright, my thoughts go out to you all xxx
:'( Need some support even though I know it won't fix everything, just so I don't feel so alone.
BTW. Mum was really nice yesterday, very supportive and saying what can she do to help me get through the next week of university, but I don't know how she can help me. She's going to help me go through the studies and assignments to help out a little, although, yes I am doing the work, not her, which is ok.
I hope everyone else is going alright, my thoughts go out to you all xxx
Replies
Oh honey I\'m so sorry that you\'re going through this again. I wish that I was there to give you a big hug. You\'ve helped me so much please let me help you too. Message me anytime I\'m usually up late/early. I think that I\'m at an impasse and ready to do something or at least to try. This mo will be 6 mos of listening to Ana! And the day before my BD which is a big one! Everyone used to say that I looked younger than I was. But now I look old and gray. I hate the way I look now as if I liked it before! I don\'t want to get old or at least not to look it. I hope and pray that you defeat this Demon once and for all! B/c it might effect you later in life. I just found out recently that it was the reason behind all my fertility issues and my teeth probs which Im sure you know about. This Disease can have far reaching and lasting effects! I implore you to get help ASAP! Please! Message me if you need to want to talk ok? I\'m here for YOU! Take Care and God Bless ((((( hugs))))))
I am so so sorry to hear this news. It is heart breaking. I am praying for you. YOU are so close to finishing this term and you had been doing so well. I know that you dont want to purge. But you also know that eating is not optional. You have got to find the courage and strength to carry on. You have done so well. I know nothing is perfect but tomorrow is a new day. and why dont you just try to make it a better day. Everybody here cares about you a lot and loves you. Tell the doctors everything. They need to help you. Things will get better. It is just scary right now and you have a lot going on. Try to remain calm and do your best to look after yourself. Dont be too discouraged. You are just having a rough patch. xxxx Keep us posted. Sending hugs.
I know how dangerous and deadly eating disorders are, I just always feel like it will never affect me. I also would rather it, because I just can\'t stand my \'healthy\' self. I know I do want to get better though, and would be absolutely devastated if I can\'t finish this course. There is only 4 days to go!! D;
I also don\'t really know what to do if they do say I have to go to hospital, like I don\'t usually go voluntarily, so I don\'t know how I would cope or react, because this is the first time that I have actually sort of wanted that little bit of recovery. Plus, can they even admit me? I\'m not underweight? And I have stopped purging since I stopped eating.
Yes, I am telling them everything, will see them in the afternoon on Monday, I am so worried :/ I don\'t want to ruin everything again, its like I am being selfish, like I could stop myself and have before, but I just can\'t! :\'( Thank-you both xxx