Going home today
It is 4:30 am. I couldn't sleep - a fairly common issue for me. I am sitting in the dark, listening to the rain on the roof and the ocean.
We made the best decision to come here for Christmas. We have walked deserted beaches, watched the storms, listened to the rain on the roof, watched the birds (and heard one very noisy one named Lisa) , and enjoyed all that nature has to offer - we even had a day with sunshine! This is the most peaceful Christmas I have had since Lisa died.
Our dinner at the resort next door was not spectacular - a buffet turkey dinner that was not as elaborate as the ones we have made over the years, but the waitress was lovely (she is a surfer - I think most of the young people who live and work here surf year round). It was nice not having the hassle of cooking when I really don't have the heart for it.
I asked Joe if he enjoyed his time here. He smile and said he thought it was better than the non commercial town of Las Vegas. Our brother-in-law (Joe's sister's husband) said he was going to spend Christmas in Vegas because he and Susan used to go there at Christmas and he wanted to escape the commercialism. We both had a chuckle - I don't know anywhere that is as commercial but I guess he meant Christmas commercialism. He spent his Christmas doing what was best for him.
I am so focused on Lisa that I have not really thought about our two other losses this year - Joe's sister and my brother. We do miss them but we have not spent Christmas with them for most of our married life (45 years next month). We always spent it with our immediate family, and in the 11 years that Lisa and Harvey were married, we spent it with Cevyn and them. Often they had their friends and families to dinner as well. Lisa loved to entertain. They also had an open house for the neighbors at the beginning of December. She would make truffles, put them in fancy little boxes and go door to door with an invitation and 4 truffles. Their open house was always well attended, and one gentleman said that he couldn't wait for the truffles each year.
So this Christmas was an 'unChristmas'. I felt at peace yesterday as we wandered up and down the beach. Of course I had my teary times but that was okay too. We went for dinner, and then packed so we can leave early today to catch the ferry and head home. With luck, good roads and the ferries on time, we should be home tomorrow night to spend the next few days with Cevyn.
I was thinking about my SOTH yesterday and wishing each and everyone a happy and peaceful Christmas.
Lisa: I miss the joy and hubbub that used to be Christmas. I miss the socks in the stockings and all the other goodies you and Harvey had for us and anyone who needed a place to go to celebrate. I miss the hugs and hearing "I love you Mummy". I will never look forward to this season, but this year you made sure we found a place of peace to remember and be thankful. I miss you always and love you forever, Mum
We made the best decision to come here for Christmas. We have walked deserted beaches, watched the storms, listened to the rain on the roof, watched the birds (and heard one very noisy one named Lisa) , and enjoyed all that nature has to offer - we even had a day with sunshine! This is the most peaceful Christmas I have had since Lisa died.
Our dinner at the resort next door was not spectacular - a buffet turkey dinner that was not as elaborate as the ones we have made over the years, but the waitress was lovely (she is a surfer - I think most of the young people who live and work here surf year round). It was nice not having the hassle of cooking when I really don't have the heart for it.
I asked Joe if he enjoyed his time here. He smile and said he thought it was better than the non commercial town of Las Vegas. Our brother-in-law (Joe's sister's husband) said he was going to spend Christmas in Vegas because he and Susan used to go there at Christmas and he wanted to escape the commercialism. We both had a chuckle - I don't know anywhere that is as commercial but I guess he meant Christmas commercialism. He spent his Christmas doing what was best for him.
I am so focused on Lisa that I have not really thought about our two other losses this year - Joe's sister and my brother. We do miss them but we have not spent Christmas with them for most of our married life (45 years next month). We always spent it with our immediate family, and in the 11 years that Lisa and Harvey were married, we spent it with Cevyn and them. Often they had their friends and families to dinner as well. Lisa loved to entertain. They also had an open house for the neighbors at the beginning of December. She would make truffles, put them in fancy little boxes and go door to door with an invitation and 4 truffles. Their open house was always well attended, and one gentleman said that he couldn't wait for the truffles each year.
So this Christmas was an 'unChristmas'. I felt at peace yesterday as we wandered up and down the beach. Of course I had my teary times but that was okay too. We went for dinner, and then packed so we can leave early today to catch the ferry and head home. With luck, good roads and the ferries on time, we should be home tomorrow night to spend the next few days with Cevyn.
I was thinking about my SOTH yesterday and wishing each and everyone a happy and peaceful Christmas.
Lisa: I miss the joy and hubbub that used to be Christmas. I miss the socks in the stockings and all the other goodies you and Harvey had for us and anyone who needed a place to go to celebrate. I miss the hugs and hearing "I love you Mummy". I will never look forward to this season, but this year you made sure we found a place of peace to remember and be thankful. I miss you always and love you forever, Mum
Replies
I am so glad you found peace on that beautiful beach. It really sounds very healing and lovely. Thanks for sharing your Christmas with us. Lots of love, Anne
This is a wonderful journal, Marlene...I don\'t have lots of memories of fun times together during Christmas, with my children--they died so young...I used to feel the \"loss\" of not having such memories of togetherness...Now I understand that, in a way, I am fortunate not to have the pain associated with those memories. On a lighter note...that squawky bird you officially named \"Lisa\"was a hoot to read about...and such a mood- lifter gift! :-)
Love, Donna
You found a good way to pass the holidays this year, dear Marlene. Just to be able to rest our hearts, the churning and yearning quieted for a little while. Thinking of you dear soth, hoping to have a real hug in the future. love you, Abby
Even a \"just ok buffet\" is great if you don\'t have to cook.....your \'Un christmas\" sounds peaceful...
Yes, I agree with Nora, your \"Un Christmas\" sounds peaceful. A time to ponder, a time to think and a time to relax. The beach (no matter which one) is one of the most beautiful and peaceful places on this earth I think. My opinion, know not everyone enjoys a nice, quiet beach like I do.
I\'m glad you got to spend your holiday in a way that felt right for you. Safe travels as you return. Love to you. Robin
I often find great comfort in activities like walking along the beach. Always the sound of water and waves is so soothing. I happy you enjoyed your get-away this Christmas. Hugs for you, your hubby and Lisa. Peggy
You listened to what you needed to do this year and it does feel as if it was peaceful and healing.
I\'m hopeful you made it home safely and am grateful you shared as to how it felt.
Savor our days with Cevyn as I know you will dear Marlene.
With love,
Joanie
I could feel the peace that is in you as I read this journal Marlene. That is the most important thing to me these days to have inner peace. May your New Year be blessed with comfort and peace and joy. Terry
Your Christmas time sounded peacefull and reflective. Mine full of little kids and loud fun. I smiled more because I was surrounded by people young and old to much to do to reflect until I got home to a quiet house. Then Christmas morning the twins and my daughter spent the day, opening presents and cooking and enjoying the girls . I know IF my son were here things would be alot differant BUT they are not so I am learning to deal with that every year.
Big Hugs Penny
I am glad and I can appreciate how meaningful it is to have a peaceful, calm Christmas in the midst of such pain. May this year bring you renewed strength, calmness, and serenity.
((( hugs ))) Eve.
Oh Marlene, what a beautiful journal. I can feel the longing in your heart for Lisa but despite missing Lisa, your brother and your sister in law you and Joe are seeking the positive and are grateful for memories and enjoying nature. Lisa was a truly gracious hostess wasn\'t she? I bet her Christmas open house was joyful and I can see how her neighbors would look forward to the get together and those delicious truffles. So much beauty and such a giving person, daughter, mom, wife, friend, neighbor. I am honored to know her through your loving mum\'s heart and soul. Love to you both, Linda