Going Forward
It's been nearly a week since I talked to my father. This after a threat by him to physically harm me. I'd been told by my doctor and others how dangerous he is, but when your father is 85, and you think he has dementia on top of his mental illness, it's not so easy to walk away. You wonder who will take care of him? Is he still alive?
So how did I walk away? And will I be able to do this for long?
Well, I walked because I started to value my life. Before I'd been drawing up my will, asking my cousin to take the bird, stuff like that. I was preparing to die, in other words. But that was then. Back when I'd just lost the love of my life and didn't really want to live.
Not now, though. I'm enjoying life and don't want someone making a decision about when I should leave this earth unless it's the good Lord. So, this is me, trying to walk away.
Anyone who's been a caregiver will tell you how difficult it is to handle someone with dementia. He's in the early stages, from what his psychologist said, but with his mental illness, it just haas been unberable. It was like he was a vampire and was draining me of life.
I begged him to stop, but no. He felt that it was okay. He'd done this to people all his life, but the dementia and the fact that I'm the only one in his life, made him go after me in the cruelest of ways. And I took it. And took it. Because I just couldn't see leaving him helpless.
I don't know how long I will be able to continue not seeing him. But I'm going to try because I can't tell you how happy I've been this week. No more arguments. No more wondering if he's going to get one of his guns and blow my brains out. No more wondering if he's going to call the cops and tell them I stole from him or that it was me who grabbed him. Even the psychologist said he was leaving after my father called the cops on him and said he'd stolen something from his house.
So, here's the thing. If I'm dead, I can't help my father. If I live but am injured, I can't help my father. And if I don't go over there ever again, I still can't help my father. It's sad because our mental health laws are not helping us.
How many more shootings and women driving into government buildings will we need before something is done to get them off the street. No one should have to risk their lives as I've done for the past 4 years just to help a person.
I want to live!
So how did I walk away? And will I be able to do this for long?
Well, I walked because I started to value my life. Before I'd been drawing up my will, asking my cousin to take the bird, stuff like that. I was preparing to die, in other words. But that was then. Back when I'd just lost the love of my life and didn't really want to live.
Not now, though. I'm enjoying life and don't want someone making a decision about when I should leave this earth unless it's the good Lord. So, this is me, trying to walk away.
Anyone who's been a caregiver will tell you how difficult it is to handle someone with dementia. He's in the early stages, from what his psychologist said, but with his mental illness, it just haas been unberable. It was like he was a vampire and was draining me of life.
I begged him to stop, but no. He felt that it was okay. He'd done this to people all his life, but the dementia and the fact that I'm the only one in his life, made him go after me in the cruelest of ways. And I took it. And took it. Because I just couldn't see leaving him helpless.
I don't know how long I will be able to continue not seeing him. But I'm going to try because I can't tell you how happy I've been this week. No more arguments. No more wondering if he's going to get one of his guns and blow my brains out. No more wondering if he's going to call the cops and tell them I stole from him or that it was me who grabbed him. Even the psychologist said he was leaving after my father called the cops on him and said he'd stolen something from his house.
So, here's the thing. If I'm dead, I can't help my father. If I live but am injured, I can't help my father. And if I don't go over there ever again, I still can't help my father. It's sad because our mental health laws are not helping us.
How many more shootings and women driving into government buildings will we need before something is done to get them off the street. No one should have to risk their lives as I've done for the past 4 years just to help a person.
I want to live!
Replies
Take care of yourself.... With Demenia, they really do not know what they are doing... The laws in WA state they can be put into mental health hospitals for as long as needed with a doctors order.... I am sorry that your not finding that where you are... He can be very dangerous, and he is NOT the person you knew growing up... Stay away from him... You are important... I have worked with Alzhiemer and dementia people for the past 15 years, and have exstensive training.. It is harder on the family then the person... Take care of yourself......
I have been through this too. I took care of my parents. I finally had to put my Father in a nursing home after he beat up my Mom and tried to beat me up too. Stay away! He needs to be in a home where he will be medicated so he is not a threat to anyone. And he has no business with guns. Discuss what needs to be done with his doctors and law enforcement before something terrible happens.
Hard to put my mother in a nursing home too but I had to work. Never had any abuse from her though. This must be extremely difficult. I would stay away.
Take care of yourself, no one else will. It\'s hard giving tough love, but...there are times when you have to.....protect yourself....hugs, Sandi