Going Flat

I woke up this morning feeling a bit down. Damn
My trip seems way too ambitious suddenly- and I am feeling the effects of this.
Damn and blast....
I dont want to stop smoking but it is way too expensive now. Damn.
Just got nothing to look forward to if i dont have my trip. Damn it.
Still putting on weight now 70.4 damn it.
What else is new?
I don't have anything else to report.
Do I still want to do course? or is that a bubble waiting to burst too?