going back to the office
Today I had to drive myself to IVF Florida's office to have my labs done to make sure my HCG is back to "nonpregnant" level. I cried the whole way there.
The nurse who did my blood was also the nurse who was in the room at my first (perfect) ultrasound. She asked if she could hug me and I cried again.
It all just feels so unfair - to have to deal with the loss and still go back and check my body for "normal" levels. Liked being kicked when I am already down.
Once levels are back to where my doctor wants them, I will have a uterine check to make sure I don't need a D&C. I don't think I will need one but we will see.
Sometimes I have these moments - I might be driving, or sitting at my desk at work or at a store. and I will stop and just look around and think "how does the world keep moving so fast when I feel like my entire life has stopped" it only lasts a minute and it's almost like have an outer body experience.
The nurse who did my blood was also the nurse who was in the room at my first (perfect) ultrasound. She asked if she could hug me and I cried again.
It all just feels so unfair - to have to deal with the loss and still go back and check my body for "normal" levels. Liked being kicked when I am already down.
Once levels are back to where my doctor wants them, I will have a uterine check to make sure I don't need a D&C. I don't think I will need one but we will see.
Sometimes I have these moments - I might be driving, or sitting at my desk at work or at a store. and I will stop and just look around and think "how does the world keep moving so fast when I feel like my entire life has stopped" it only lasts a minute and it's almost like have an outer body experience.
Replies
Hugs to you.
I totally understand. I had to go back twice for blood tests. It was awful, sitting in the waiting room with pregnant ladies, knowing I was there because I wasn\'t pregnant anymore. Such a kick in the gut.
Hugs and prayers.
I understand this pain also. I cried the whole time. They had some stupid new intern girl there and she was the one to leave me a message to say \"your numbers are going down as they should and look great\". I wanted to call back and complain/scream at her lack of bedside manners. I didn\'t want them to go down you jerk! Big, long hug. Do you have to go back to work today? :(
I can totally relate to this. I\'ve had to go back to my RE twice now since my D&C, one time they put me in the room where they did the u/s where they told me my baby had no heartbeat. I was so pissed at them, thinking, why don\'t they show some sensitivity here and put me in a different room!? Seems the world moves on and its business as usual while we are suffering inside and feeling like we\'re stuck in some terrible time warp. Most days I think I dreamt all of this, and you are spot on when you said it feels like an out of body experience, because that is how this feels 99% of the time for me too. Big hugs. I am here for you.
I can relate to this as well. It was very painful (emotionally) for me to keep going for those hcg rechecks after the loss. It is so heart warming that that nurse hugged you. Sometimes medical professionals can be so brusque which only adds to the pain. I\'m glad it is a supportive environment.
I can also relate to the feeling that your world has stopped and somehow everyone else\'s keeps going on.
I felt like I was trapped in a sad snow globe. Disconnected and dissociated from everyone and everything else.
Thinking of you.
I\'m sorry friend. Nothing about this is fair :(