Going back alittle Part 1
I cant remember much but i do know that i was about 9yrs old when i picked up smoking cigs and weed off and on. When i hit 4th and 5th grade was when i started getting bullied. Around the time i started smoking I was put into karate classes and a couple years after that golden glove boxing. All through out my life wonder about my mom. And trough out my life i wonder about my dad. My mom gave me to my dad at 3 months old so him and my grandparents raised. I dont know what happened as a child but my brain has blocked it out, my whole childhood. I cant remember anything before age 12\13ish but that i started smoking. Some things brings back memories of some good times as a child but only for a split sec. Then its gone. My flash backs are normally from age 16-17 onup to now of fucked up shit ive saw, did , and family things lately going on, Just constant flash backs. Let me back up, I started dipping into pills around 13ish and by 16 i was hook on oxys and xanax, somas. Stealing and selling other drugs just to support my addiction. By was messing with meth and cocaine. Never got addicted to those. But i couldnt leave pills alone. Never wnated to get clean until around 21. When i was 23 i finally got clean and stayed clean for 6yrs until a few weeks ago i had my fist and only slip up on the pills but been clean since.
I gotta end part 1 here. I have to get ready for IOP class
Replies
Scotty, really tough when you only have others to tell you about your childhood. Obviously those were tough years as you don't have memories. Children protect themselves. One way is disassociating. That way they aren't present. Hope IOP went well and journaling is helping you heal. Hugs
I agree with SimpsonsOK. Most of my childhood is blocked out and there are so many vague memories that sometimes are so vivid but they’re completely useless & jumbled because they lack context or are a jumbled mess that’s out of order. Lately, my memory has been worse than ever, which seems to happen when my PTSD is aggressive, and I’m having to rely on everyone else just to recall what I did yesterday or last week.
Journaling helps, especially with flashes of brief memories.
Hugs, support & wishing you luck & strength. I believe in you Scotty.
That's a very early age to get into drugs.
yea it was a early age to start. trying to fit in and gain the attention that i never got just chose to get it from the wrong crowd but it was ment to be or i wouldnt be here on and be able to help people in similar cases. And i agree, something had to happen as a child i want to know what and in way i dont lol
Scotty, for me it was in reverse. The first event sent me into hypervigilance. Still surprise friends when I remember events or things we did together decades ago. Yep, knowing can be a mixed bag. Hugs as you continue your journey.
Sounds like u have had hard times but u seem very strong to have gone through so much. It’s great u wanted to get clean. I know it isn’t easy. I’ve never done drugs or thankfully havnt had a problem with it or alcohol but I do have my problems and understand and I’ve seen shows on this. It’s not easy and not everyone wants to get help so it’s great u wanted too. Best wishes. U r a strong and interesting person I can tell. I’m raising my granddaughter. My son got a girl pregnant when he was a young 15 year old. He has also smoked pot and experimented with a few drugs and alcohol so I know about this. Best wishes.
Sometimes those hard times build character, which seems to be true with you. Prayers for you Scotty.
thank you all so much ill be posting part 2 to it tomorrow and my normal post will be in few
I am here uf you you to talk/ vent
Dust yourself off and get back on that horse
Stay strong❤️
have not heard from you in couple weeks, are you still okay and dragging hemp only or falling down on hard stuff again?