going out
I might go out today if I can get over leaving the house. I took my anxiety med but, I am still scared to leave. I told my mom I would try to come over. I think I know why I am afraid to leave. Its all because of past things that have happened and my husband told me I was spending to much money before, now I am afraid of going out of the house. I dont want to loose anything. I want to keep everything safe here at home. I keep remembering being abused at that makes me stay home where it is safe. I dont even want to get dressed. Why? No one ever comes over my house. I dont see anyone but my kids for dinner aand my husband.
I am alone. I talk to God everyday. I ask him what to do. But I dont hear him. I pray the prayers, but for myself I dont hear anything. I love God, and my kids and husband, I know God takes care of my family. I just get scared even when they leave. I havnt seen my husband in 36 hours. He didnt even call me. Dosnt he know how lonely I get. God help them, be with them. I get scared going out in the world. My counselor wants to help me. She tells me to go to the mall. But she dosnt get it. The ocd of checking evrrthing before I leave. It gets crazy. Thats why I dont leave either. Before I leave, I check the stove, make sure dryer is off, knives are put away, doors are locked, beds are made, all dishes are cleaned and put away, clothes are done, garbage is out ugh! Its to much work to leave the house!
Ocd. Anxieties, guilt, scared of being alone. Feels like the world is crushing down on me. Ugh! I need to take a shower. I only ate 150 cals today. I in am trying to stay under a thousand. I need to loose weight. I need to feel in control of my life.
I am alone. I talk to God everyday. I ask him what to do. But I dont hear him. I pray the prayers, but for myself I dont hear anything. I love God, and my kids and husband, I know God takes care of my family. I just get scared even when they leave. I havnt seen my husband in 36 hours. He didnt even call me. Dosnt he know how lonely I get. God help them, be with them. I get scared going out in the world. My counselor wants to help me. She tells me to go to the mall. But she dosnt get it. The ocd of checking evrrthing before I leave. It gets crazy. Thats why I dont leave either. Before I leave, I check the stove, make sure dryer is off, knives are put away, doors are locked, beds are made, all dishes are cleaned and put away, clothes are done, garbage is out ugh! Its to much work to leave the house!
Ocd. Anxieties, guilt, scared of being alone. Feels like the world is crushing down on me. Ugh! I need to take a shower. I only ate 150 cals today. I in am trying to stay under a thousand. I need to loose weight. I need to feel in control of my life.
Replies
I have had times like that when home is the only safe place. I understand how you feel. Can you take a little trip each day, walk to the letterbox, then down the street and slowly build up your confidence?
I can go get the mail, thats ok, but its getting in the car, an thinking everythings ok in the house. When my husband is home, its easier for me to leave, but I still have to call him a mile away to make sure everything is ok. I am very dependent on my husband. My boys really try to help me feel safe. Sometimes it works, but sometimes no. I was never likes in my early 40\'s. I just dont get it?