God Is Good
Since finding DS after my husband passed, I have spent a lot of time here, and made some lasting friends. They are cyber friends, but no less, they are friends. I will continue to visit, on occasion, but cannot fully participate in the manner that I once have. When we are widowed, and finding our way and our new self, we are vulnerable and often take the advice of others like gospel, or soak it in like a sponge. Don't get me wrong, DS has been helpful in allowing me to know that I'm not going crazy, or feeling the way I did was wrong. And, when I do return, I will not hesitate to help someone if it is in my mental capacity to do so.
I am under the care of my Christian Counselor, who determined that depression was creeping in and robbing me of the progress I had made. With her, I have been prescribed Prozac, and I believe the Lord led me back to this wonderful person (through the advice of my minister), so that I can continue to recover and rebuild who I am and I want to be. So often after Dick died all the well-meaning advice boiled down to being young, pretty, having my whole life ahead of me. God will give you a boyfriend, partner, yah, yah, yah. At one time I was very adamant, but I now leave my life in God's hands. For the present God has told me I am to remain in my home, and in my community. I am also being drawn closer to my sister, which has not happened our entire life. And, in addition to the friends God has given me, he is drawing me closer to my next door neighbor, a woman of God and faith, who wants to spend more time with me as friends and neighbors, and read the word of God in the bible.
Basically, I don't know what my future holds. No one does, but I do know what I want today. It is attainable, and I will become stronger, more confident, and at peace with it all, but not without the tools that God has provided. I was in the bathroom, crying, telling God I am doing the best I can and I am afraid. And this inner thought comes over me and tells me "Do not be afraid". I was also in bed this morning, awake at 4:30 a.m. because my precious cat in restless, and I feel a hand take one of my own. My husband, or God perhaps? Who knows? But it felt good, and it was comforting, and it was letting me know that I am truly not alone, which is one of the issues I have.
Living on my own, and everything I own I have the responsibility of taking care of, on my own. Scary at most, but I hope to reach the point of that confident, 55 year old woman, who knows her place, is at peace with her life and being on her own. There is so much to do and so much to see, and I have the freedom to experience it all. In the meantime, I must be patient and inch with my baby steps, letting it all hang out with my counselor, and coming to terms with this new life.
I hope I am not rambling, but this is my journal, and like with everything else, I am doing the best I can.
Love you all - keep in touch.
Debbie
I am under the care of my Christian Counselor, who determined that depression was creeping in and robbing me of the progress I had made. With her, I have been prescribed Prozac, and I believe the Lord led me back to this wonderful person (through the advice of my minister), so that I can continue to recover and rebuild who I am and I want to be. So often after Dick died all the well-meaning advice boiled down to being young, pretty, having my whole life ahead of me. God will give you a boyfriend, partner, yah, yah, yah. At one time I was very adamant, but I now leave my life in God's hands. For the present God has told me I am to remain in my home, and in my community. I am also being drawn closer to my sister, which has not happened our entire life. And, in addition to the friends God has given me, he is drawing me closer to my next door neighbor, a woman of God and faith, who wants to spend more time with me as friends and neighbors, and read the word of God in the bible.
Basically, I don't know what my future holds. No one does, but I do know what I want today. It is attainable, and I will become stronger, more confident, and at peace with it all, but not without the tools that God has provided. I was in the bathroom, crying, telling God I am doing the best I can and I am afraid. And this inner thought comes over me and tells me "Do not be afraid". I was also in bed this morning, awake at 4:30 a.m. because my precious cat in restless, and I feel a hand take one of my own. My husband, or God perhaps? Who knows? But it felt good, and it was comforting, and it was letting me know that I am truly not alone, which is one of the issues I have.
Living on my own, and everything I own I have the responsibility of taking care of, on my own. Scary at most, but I hope to reach the point of that confident, 55 year old woman, who knows her place, is at peace with her life and being on her own. There is so much to do and so much to see, and I have the freedom to experience it all. In the meantime, I must be patient and inch with my baby steps, letting it all hang out with my counselor, and coming to terms with this new life.
I hope I am not rambling, but this is my journal, and like with everything else, I am doing the best I can.
Love you all - keep in touch.
Debbie
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