God I give up

I have decided that there is not God. It almost physically hurts me to hear mom talking about God and how he never puts anything more on us then we can handle. What she has untreatable tumours, she has a heart that could give out at any moent, she got kicked out of the hospital, she will probably die soon from Liver failure, what kind of aGod calls that reasonable.
I have always been a faithful person and I believed in a good and loving God, even through my own health issues but enough is enough. If there is a God for some reason he doesn't want my play done, I have lost five actresses, I finally got one and she lost her job and isn't in financial straights to work on this project. This all comes at the same time as my moms health issues my problems finding work and the reveal that my kidneys are shutting down. I just am so tired and I am just not sure what to do.