God damn Anxiety.

God I am so sick of the "unreality" feeling. Honestly, I can take the panic attack's, the worry, the uncomfortable cold sweats but god...I hate this feeling of "losing it". I know...I KNOW! I wont lose it. Yet i still try to convince myself that im Schizophrenic, and I acctually try to look for sign's that I may be. I diliberatly screw with my own head...Lol...ohhh boy. I'm just tired of the sadness, the anxiety, the depression...the pain and the healing process all together. Since my divorce god its been hell.  On a brighter side of things, I! am feeling like my old self again in some aspects. I've lost about 41 lbs now, looking better...more self esteem (granted its not much...) People are telling me that they see "me" in my eye's again..... I was in a very mentally abusive relationship....and I lost myself...slowly trying to find me but this anxiety....Is not me. Sigh...