Goals Updated

The Surgery – well I cannot move the bar backwards past zero, but I need to. When I got my tattoo last week I helped the artist put the dressing on and tape it. The next few days I had forgotten which shirt I hade worn over it. I kept finding little tape stickies that were dark red from the shirt fibers. I know how and why they were there but I cannot handle them to well. I feel triggered. Self-Injury – Well those little stickies got me pretty upsets. I had to get them off. Soap and alcohol wipes were not doing it, so I used tape to rub and lift them off. One thing lead to another and I used the tape to remove and lift the peeling tattoo. The tape was not strong enough to make it bleed, and was really fun and time consuming. So in my books no blood = no SI. The kids – there back in school, so I do not have to take them out as much now, it is a break I needed. Now I can plan ahead when I take them out. This was probably not good for me just using their school as a crutch. We did have fun on Sunday we had our last family Christmas/B-day party (Daughter’s B-day). The Weight – Too chicken to get on the scale, I have been drinking soda, but only half of them. I had a hamburger yesterday and only ate half of that to. Rape Recovery – I feel a great deal better about my self. The recent post “Not long ago....a rapist was here.....” I had stated that I would want to know and I would ask him questions. I was still “protected” by not knowing who he was. Then he divulged his identity. I took a few days off and thought about that. I wrote him, I faced him. I knew anything he said would not help me, but I faced him, and that made me stronger. I stayed professional. If and/or when the day comes I will be able to separate my own emotions when I face my rapist, so I can stay clear headed in prosecution. I still have my new counselor appointment next week. I have received the first book I ordered, that was funny to my husband started to read it while I was asleep, and he wanted to take it to work. I did not tell him I accidently got two until the next day, so that worked out. Now I just have to pay my Mom the difference, she ordered it for me, I’m scared of internet ordering…go figure.