Giving up hope
I'm so sick of being in pain all the time. After multiple surgeries for endometriosis and hundreds of medicines that didn't help, I'm starting to give up hope. I feel so worthless as a woman and to my boyfriend of 3 yrs. I hate seeing him frustrated and angry all the time from no sex or oral or anything. Not only do I experience painful intercourse but I was molested as a child by a cousin, which caused trust issues and PTSD for me now. During oral sex I'll have a PTSD episode and break out in tears and feel so violated and disgusted, without even thinking about the molestation. It's like it's subconscious and my body's telling me this isn't right. I can't stop it. I've tried therapy but it only makes me more upset because I have to think about it all the time when I'd rather push it to the back of my head and move on with life.
I have one more chance of hope, for intercourse that is. And that's pelvic Botox. I'm fighting with my insurance right now to get it covered and if I do I'm prayyyyyying this does the trick.
I'm starting to feel uninterested in sex or sexual activity lately which scares me to death. I know I love my boyfriend so why am I feeling this way?! I'm assuming it's just from the pattern of pain during intercourse and the attacks during oral that have made me subconsciously feel like anything sexual is just wrong.
I'm really hoping if the pain goes away my feelings for my boyfriend will come back. I dont wanna lose him and I feel like I'm just pushing him away. It's hard to make somebody understand the feelings that come with these painful problems, and I feel like he takes it personally.
I can't deal with this forever. I dont wanna. I'm really losing hope for a future with someone I love and a family of my own.
What's life without someone to share it with?
I refuse to go through all of the explaining again with another guy, and if this one leaves me my depression is just going to sky rocket. I've been sent to a psych ward 3 times already. I'm starting to feel like maybe I just belong to live there.
I'm 23 and I feel like I'm 90. I haven't gotten the chance to fully live and I'm missing out on so much in life from this pain. Every morning is a struggle to get out if bed, to be active, and to show my love to my boyfriend. Sometimes it feels like we're just friends who live together and sleep next to eachother. The distance is upsetting. I'm just waiting for a miracle..
I have one more chance of hope, for intercourse that is. And that's pelvic Botox. I'm fighting with my insurance right now to get it covered and if I do I'm prayyyyyying this does the trick.
I'm starting to feel uninterested in sex or sexual activity lately which scares me to death. I know I love my boyfriend so why am I feeling this way?! I'm assuming it's just from the pattern of pain during intercourse and the attacks during oral that have made me subconsciously feel like anything sexual is just wrong.
I'm really hoping if the pain goes away my feelings for my boyfriend will come back. I dont wanna lose him and I feel like I'm just pushing him away. It's hard to make somebody understand the feelings that come with these painful problems, and I feel like he takes it personally.
I can't deal with this forever. I dont wanna. I'm really losing hope for a future with someone I love and a family of my own.
What's life without someone to share it with?
I refuse to go through all of the explaining again with another guy, and if this one leaves me my depression is just going to sky rocket. I've been sent to a psych ward 3 times already. I'm starting to feel like maybe I just belong to live there.
I'm 23 and I feel like I'm 90. I haven't gotten the chance to fully live and I'm missing out on so much in life from this pain. Every morning is a struggle to get out if bed, to be active, and to show my love to my boyfriend. Sometimes it feels like we're just friends who live together and sleep next to eachother. The distance is upsetting. I'm just waiting for a miracle..
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