Giving Thanks and Saying Many Prayers
As it is the day before Thanksgiving, I am feeling somewhat nostalgic thinking of all the wonderful things that I have in my life. I feel pretty darn lucky and I thank God every day for the life he has given me. I don't often say it outloud or journal it, but this time of year is a good time to share my thoughts with whomever is reading this and with myself.
It's not just the wonderful people in my life whom I love dearly - Ava, Ian, my mom and sis, Ian's family and my wonderful friends. Or the awesome material things I am fortunate to have - a beautiful roof over my head, nice leather boots on my feet, a warm cozy sweater on my back, a fuzzy cute scarf around my neck, or the latest new cell phone to communicate with loved ones; those are obvious. But rather, I am so lucky and blessed that I have the ability to provide my daughter all the happiness and love she deserves. Every moment I look into her eyes, I see her happiniss and what she is becoming. I see her grow spiritually, mentally and physically everyday and I am so grateful that the little person she is becoming, is because of Ian and me. Thank you God for granting me the ability to be the best mom I can be which in turn, I think has made me a better person, to be a better friend, fiance, daughter, sister and cousin I can be and for allowing me to use this gift to the fullest.
This leads me to the latest news in my life. Two days ago, we just got news that my mom has level 3 pre-cancerous cells (CIN3) in her cervix. She went for her first pap smear ever about a month ago. Yes I said first pap smear EVER. She's 66 years old. Her pap came back revealing pre-cancerous cells so the doctor ordered another procedure, called a colposcopy where they went in, scraped the inside of her cervix and did more biopsies. Those biopsies revealed CIN3. There's 3 levels of pre-cancerous cells in terms of severity. CIN1 is mild, CIN2 is moderate and CIN3 is severe. The next level is cervical cancer. The next step is another procedure called LEEP, where they go in and cut out a cone shaped portion of her cervix which will remove the pre-cancerous cells and they will then test what they removed. At that time, they will know if she has cancer and if so, the severity of it. She is having this done December 8th. My sister and I have already gone through several emotions in the last 2 days. We do realize that we can't jump to any conclusions until this last procedure is done. We also know we have to stay strong for our mom. She's always been our rock! The what-ifs are hard to put out of our minds though. It's tough. My mom seems to be staying strong. She's just telling us she's not thinking about it right now because she's too busy preparing Thankgiving dinner lol. I, on the other hand, can't stop thinking about it. I'm scared to death. My mom is my everything. My dad passed away when I was 6 and my mom raised my sister and me as a single parent our whole lives. She never re-married. It's because of her that I am who I am. She's my life! Just thinking of the "C" word is so scary. But I'm trying very hard to focus on the positives. First, she just had blood tests run for a physical she got a few months ago. Something did reveal she had a virus in her system, but they could not figure out what it was. But, none of those tests were off the charts. If she had cancer, my thought is that her white blood cell test would be totally off the charts. They're not. Good sign. Very very good sign. Secondly, she's my mom, she survives everything.
These next few weeks we will be doing a lot of praying. I am going to try to stay focused on the positive things in my life, and there are many, and remember that God has a plan. My motto to others when life can't seem to get any worse is "everything happens for a reason." I'm going to heed my own advice. In the meantime, it's hard to avoid tears, but I know the rest is in God's hands. If anyone is reading this, please say some prayers for my mom. I truly appreciate it. And no matter what happens in the end, I still feel grateful for all the gifts in my life and thank God everyday for the life he has given me.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving tomorrow!
It's not just the wonderful people in my life whom I love dearly - Ava, Ian, my mom and sis, Ian's family and my wonderful friends. Or the awesome material things I am fortunate to have - a beautiful roof over my head, nice leather boots on my feet, a warm cozy sweater on my back, a fuzzy cute scarf around my neck, or the latest new cell phone to communicate with loved ones; those are obvious. But rather, I am so lucky and blessed that I have the ability to provide my daughter all the happiness and love she deserves. Every moment I look into her eyes, I see her happiniss and what she is becoming. I see her grow spiritually, mentally and physically everyday and I am so grateful that the little person she is becoming, is because of Ian and me. Thank you God for granting me the ability to be the best mom I can be which in turn, I think has made me a better person, to be a better friend, fiance, daughter, sister and cousin I can be and for allowing me to use this gift to the fullest.
This leads me to the latest news in my life. Two days ago, we just got news that my mom has level 3 pre-cancerous cells (CIN3) in her cervix. She went for her first pap smear ever about a month ago. Yes I said first pap smear EVER. She's 66 years old. Her pap came back revealing pre-cancerous cells so the doctor ordered another procedure, called a colposcopy where they went in, scraped the inside of her cervix and did more biopsies. Those biopsies revealed CIN3. There's 3 levels of pre-cancerous cells in terms of severity. CIN1 is mild, CIN2 is moderate and CIN3 is severe. The next level is cervical cancer. The next step is another procedure called LEEP, where they go in and cut out a cone shaped portion of her cervix which will remove the pre-cancerous cells and they will then test what they removed. At that time, they will know if she has cancer and if so, the severity of it. She is having this done December 8th. My sister and I have already gone through several emotions in the last 2 days. We do realize that we can't jump to any conclusions until this last procedure is done. We also know we have to stay strong for our mom. She's always been our rock! The what-ifs are hard to put out of our minds though. It's tough. My mom seems to be staying strong. She's just telling us she's not thinking about it right now because she's too busy preparing Thankgiving dinner lol. I, on the other hand, can't stop thinking about it. I'm scared to death. My mom is my everything. My dad passed away when I was 6 and my mom raised my sister and me as a single parent our whole lives. She never re-married. It's because of her that I am who I am. She's my life! Just thinking of the "C" word is so scary. But I'm trying very hard to focus on the positives. First, she just had blood tests run for a physical she got a few months ago. Something did reveal she had a virus in her system, but they could not figure out what it was. But, none of those tests were off the charts. If she had cancer, my thought is that her white blood cell test would be totally off the charts. They're not. Good sign. Very very good sign. Secondly, she's my mom, she survives everything.
These next few weeks we will be doing a lot of praying. I am going to try to stay focused on the positive things in my life, and there are many, and remember that God has a plan. My motto to others when life can't seem to get any worse is "everything happens for a reason." I'm going to heed my own advice. In the meantime, it's hard to avoid tears, but I know the rest is in God's hands. If anyone is reading this, please say some prayers for my mom. I truly appreciate it. And no matter what happens in the end, I still feel grateful for all the gifts in my life and thank God everyday for the life he has given me.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving tomorrow!
Replies
I\'ll say an extra prayer for your mom.... I truly hope she doesn\'t have cancer. I understand how scared you are... I\'ll be thinking of you.
Thank you so much Rachel, that means a lot to me. I do think about you everytime I\'m on DS and hope you are doing well. We still haven\'t gotten the tests results back but they should be ready any day, if not today.