GIVING BIRTH TO NEWNESS
Hello Everyone! I am going to try to share what I experienced this morning in meditation but I find it difficult sometimes to explain Spirit. Anyway, to make a long story short I have been doing this path since I was 30 and I am now 65; a long time. I was horribly abused by my Mom and not protected by my Dad. Sexual abuse by a step-brother and a gentleman on my paper route.So the pain I HAVE CARRIED this lifetime has run deep. There has been mini and major healing but this morning I feel a boulder was lifted. In meditation I was taken back to 4 or 5 of the worst beatings I can recall; starting around 5 or so. My Mom would sit on top of me, put her legs on my arms and beat me across the face or hold my nose and put liquid soap in my mouth and make me swallow. A few others were she would keep me awake and beat me every hour on the hour until my Dad got home; he worked the night shift. This morning Spirit kept taking me to these places and I was in resistance to going there; but I did. As I watched the pain, the hurt, the fear, and was told by Spirit to feel it (OMG) all of a sudden my Mom rolled off of me and began sobbing; sobbing, sobbing. I felt HER PAIN for doing this. The other episodes where she was not on top of me, she just fell to her knees and was once again sobbing..uncontrollable! I kind of left this meditation but Spirit called me back...then, I had to look at the ways I had done my children; not physically, but emotionally. So much shame on my part and I was brought to tears...THEN...my Dad appeared and said "maybe your Mom would not of done this if I would have given her some attention and not treated HER so badly." There were 8 children; Mom beat the children and Dad beat Mom...I am still crying; still trying to take this all in. I feel a HUGE RELEASE just happened. Forgiveness for my parents and forgiveness for myself. I kept getting "it's over Vicki, it's over." There is a part of me that didn't want to share this as I feel it is almost 'crazy'...but who could make up something like this....SPIRIT LED!
I have meditated for years, but there is something about hand on belly and heart. It's like giving birth; painful yet beautiful.
I have meditated for years, but there is something about hand on belly and heart. It's like giving birth; painful yet beautiful.
Replies
Vicki,
Hand on belly and heart...the two places where so much emotion lives. I will try that tomorrow when I meditate.
It feels like living on the razor\'s edge to come to the awareness that our parents did the best they could and then forgive them--without making what they did to us okay or downplaying it.
I do believe spirit gifted you with this awareness and experience. I also believe your own strength and willingness to heal the deep wounds allowed spirit to work.
So grateful you shared.
xx
My therapist led me through a similar practise and it shook me to the core by what was unearthed. Vicki you are amazing! So brave! I bow to you because that can\'t have been easy. I need to say that I\'m really sorry that happened to you because I am. I am truly glad you are finding peace and forgiveness. Love you xxx
I feel so much sorrow for you and what you went through. I feel I can say that as I understand well where you came from. And I am so very happy for you that you came to a lace where you could forgive them and understand them. Glad for you that so much has been lifted .
Big hugs & love to you
Arbe: It was a rough road, but every day it seems I get to begin anew...that my dear friend is awesome. And I am been shown the gift of forgiveness. All this being said, there are still places where I am pretty fragile. Grateful for knowing you! xo
Rosie: I remember a time when my therapist led me thru a meditation; had me walking along the beach, saw my mom. and then he said put a net over her. After I put the net over her, he said, stake the net down. Now, I want you to beat her like she beat you...I could not do that. Isn\'t that amazing? What happened yesterday was amazing to me...it wasn\'t forced, it simply happened. I loved the part where she rolled off and started bawling; not in a egotistical way of seeing her pain, but knowing she, in a sense, let go...I am finding pieces of forgiveness; which seems to be an opening to peace. Luv u! xo
SuzA66...Thank-you so much...it\'s been a long time coming! xo
It\'s not at all crazy. It\'s wonderful. And beautiful. Soul felt hugs to you Vicki.
Hugszzz xoxoxo
Thank-you everyone. This morning in meditation, Mary was holding my Mom and I in her arms; we were babies swaddled tightly and she was looking down on us smiling. Then...many babies began to show up; friends, enemies, loves ones whom have passed, etc. All swaddled tightly and the feeling of Love was overwhelming...I love what is happening inside me; it is a life-changer. xo
Xxxxx