Given Up?
Got an interesting call from my older sister Sara yesterday. She had looked at the new photo of me my younger sister, Vickie, took Sunday. The last time Sara had seen me was on her trip to Texas a few months ago and I had a shaggy beard and long hair.(you've seen it in my photo section) and was shocked. She likes my looks better now. Anyway, she asked how I was doing and I told her as well as could be expected with the leg still sore and weak. She startled me when she said she was surprised that the docs haven't suggested amputation of the leg.(Vickie also sent her a pic of my legs) My right leg hasn't been right since my bypass operation. I've found out that I'm not the only bypass patient with the same result. With mrsa and clots in the leg and this stuff I'm going through now, its hasn't been an easy go. Then, she said something that got me to thinking. She said Vickie thinks I've given up on life. Have I? Have I've given up? I know I'm tired of bouncing from doc to doc with them having different causes of the problem and different cures. I know I'm tired of having trouble getting in and out of chairs,,,not being able to stand or walk for any length of time,,,being weak in the legs,,and now, being on oxygen. It seems I might have accepted all this as my way of life with no improvement in sight. Maybe I have given up and just haven't accepted it.
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I hope you haven\'t done that. I am so sorry for all you are going through. That thought crossed my mind when I seen you was not on here like you use to be.
I know how you have inspired me to keep on trying and I know how strong willed you are and I hope the same goes for you. We should practice what we preach. You have been a very good friend to me, and I just hope to see you on here for a long time to come. I know you are going through a lot and getting up and down out of chairs is rough. Have you looked on Craigslist or anything. If I had the money I would get you one, I guarantee you that. I know that doesn\'t help you now, but that is how much I think of you.
\"She said Vickie thinks I\'ve given up on life. Have I? Have I\'ve given up? I know I\'m tired of bouncing from doc to doc with them having different causes of the problem and different cures. I know I\'m tired of having trouble getting in and out of chairs,,,not being able to stand or walk for any length of time,,,being weak in the legs,,and now, being on oxygen. It seems I might have accepted all this as my way of life with no improvement in sight. Maybe I have given up and just haven\'t accepted it.\"
Precious Mike -- you surely have faced an enormous mountain to climb of challenges that many would have found beyond their ability to endure. I think those of us with chronic illness that robs us of living a quality life do get worn down and can want a rest from all the challenges we have to face to endure. I think as long as you have Kit to love and care for you will hang on for his sake and this may well pull you along also. I have one pet parakeet left and I will hold on for her sake and when she passes there will be no more pets unless I know the situation has improved here enough to allow for the best of care to be given -- I\'m not even able to care well for myself most days but will hang on to give my precious parakeet, K.T., the best of what I am able to provide and thankfully she is a very easy pet to care for. We are old and worn out and when she passes I will have to think about the quality of my life at that time and how best to approach circumstances. The crisis I face has begun to \'normalize\' and that allows for the adapting of beliefs and such to fit better the reality experienced. I have January 1,2014 as my \'check in\' with life and see how it is all going and I can hang on to then and set such issues aside. I think that is how we manage crisis circumstances and this allows us to find at least some balance to allow for what life we do achieve.
Gentle ((hugs)) shared precious Mike. I find our shared journals have often been lifesaving and given quality to the struggle of surviving that I would not have achieved without this shared support.
DEAR MIKE, YOUR SISTER IS SO NEGATIVE , WITH ALL THE HEALTH ISSUES YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH ,YOU HAVE SHOWN STRENGTH AND COURAGE, TO SUGGEST ABOUT THE LEG ITS GROSS, YOU SHOULD HOPE AND PRAY FOR HEALING OF YOUR LEG, MY UNCLE HAD THE SAME SITUATION, JUST LIKE YOU, SHE HAD THIS RUSSIAN WOMAN LOOKING AFTER HIM AND SHE CARED SO MUCH THAT HE HEALED AND HAD SOME MORE GOOD TIME , HE DIED OF A SUDDEN HEART ATTACK, HE WAS 80 YEARS OLD...
FOR THE LEG I HAVE ALREADY SUGGESTED TO YOU \'\'TEA TREE\'\' ORGANIC ESSENTIAL OIL, YOU CAN BUY THE CLOTHS ALREADY MADE TO PUT ON THE WOUND, ALSO YOU CAN BUY SOME SHOWER GEL, OR GET A BOWL OF WARM WATER, PUT ABOUT TEN DROPS , MIX AND SPONGE OVER YOUR BODY, TO KILL THE MRSA, PLEASE LISTEN, I KNOW ITS THE BEST ANTIBACTERIAL, THE ABORIGENS USE IT, CAMES FROM AUSTRALIA, IF YOU WANT I WILL EVEN SEND YOU SAME, I MEAN IT***
BE STRONG AND NEVER GIVE UP, AND YES YOU LOOK GOOD IN THE PHOTO, EAT WELL, LOSE WEIGHT IF YOU HAVE TO, LESS WEIGHT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER, LOVE LUCY***