Given the Green Light

I was given the go ahead to round up a qualified surgeon that I will feel confident that i will be satisfied with the outcome. 

There are several obstacles that I am trying to maneuver around the obstacles. It is enough to give someone a headache but that is not my main concern it's coming up with the funding trying to figure how to come up with funds without any help which.

How to come up with the funds that these people want up front and they do not associate with any insurance company. I know some of the procedures will be covered but it would be considered out of network which doesn't pay much and that would go to me to pay them or to whomever I can get a loan to pay the surgeon, which I know I would never get. I would not know how I am going to handle the disappointment.

I was looking forward in having the procedure done but I think I am not going to have it done and I will look like a freak for the rest of my life as I know that the will never happen as I took this journey for nothing only to lose my family for what me being selfish !! I have com to the conclusion that I will never accomplish my goal . As I feel today all of this that I have accomplished is all for nothing. All I see is nothing but failure. I have failed myself and there is nothing I can do about it.

But I am trying to find a glimmer of hope to my problem. But if anyone can help I would greatly appreciate the help and ideas.