GGRRRR

I started out having a pretty good day...exhausted...but good. Well, tonight everything went bad. I thought I was going to be able to talk to my boyfriend today. WRONG. I thought I was going to get to see him tomorrow. WRONG. It's been a week...and I just can't take it. At all. I slipped up and cut myself just like 15 minutes ago...and I have taken 4 Xanax already. I feel awful that I did what I did. But the reason is I am having such mixed emotions. I think I just got into this relationship too early, and I do not want to feel that way. But I am so irriated with my boyfriend right now. I have not really talked to him in 3 days. It just seems he does not care, which I know he does...but I do not feel it right now. I feel very unloved. I just want to see him, I want him to hold me and tell me he loves me. He is really good to me, I just feel though that he pushing me away alittle. It scares me so so bad. I am not over what my ex did to me at all....and I think this has a lot to do with that. But well, I cheated on my current boyfriend about a month ago, and he found out. I regret it so very much...just so much, that I am crying about it right now. I will NEVER forgive myself for doing that. All I did was send nude pictures to this guy, who lives hundreds of miles away. I stopped everything though after I sent them. I ignored the guys texts, and phone calls. So, my boyfriend told some friends, and his ex found out, who I stole her away from him. She also lives in GA, and we live in AL. And she added my boyfriend on myspace, and I asked her why she did that. She pretty much told me I was a slut and that she is gonna steal my boyfriend away from me. I know that, that won't happen. But she has NO idea how much it kills me that I cheated on him. The day my boyfriend found out, I tried to kill myself, because I thought he was going to leave me. No one can understand the pain I am in right now, and all I want to do is talk to my boyfriend...but apparently at the moment I cannot. I just hurt so fucking bad. I do not know what to do. I feel I have no one to talk too. I really do. I really want to just scream!!!!