GGRRRR

I started out having a pretty good day...exhausted...but good. Well, tonight everything went bad. I thought I was going to be able to talk to my boyfriend today. WRONG. I thought I was going to get to see him tomorrow. WRONG. It's been a week...and I just can't take it. At all. I slipped up and cut myself just like 15 minutes ago...and I have taken 4 Xanax already. I feel awful that I did what I did. But the reason is I am having such mixed emotions. I think I just got into this relationship too early, and I do not want to feel that way. But I am so irriated with my boyfriend right now. I have not really talked to him in 3 days. It just seems he does not care, which I know he does...but I do not feel it right now. I feel very unloved. I just want to see him, I want him to hold me and tell me he loves me. He is really good to me, I just feel though that he pushing me away alittle. It scares me so so bad. I am not over what my ex did to me at all....and I think this has a lot to do with that. But well, I cheated on my current boyfriend about a month ago, and he found out. I regret it so very much...just so much, that I am crying about it right now. I will NEVER forgive myself for doing that. All I did was send nude pictures to this guy, who lives hundreds of miles away. I stopped everything though after I sent them. I ignored the guys texts, and phone calls. So, my boyfriend told some friends, and his ex found out, who I stole her away from him. She also lives in GA, and we live in AL. And she added my boyfriend on myspace, and I asked her why she did that. She pretty much told me I was a slut and that she is gonna steal my boyfriend away from me. I know that, that won't happen. But she has NO idea how much it kills me that I cheated on him. The day my boyfriend found out, I tried to kill myself, because I thought he was going to leave me. No one can understand the pain I am in right now, and all I want to do is talk to my boyfriend...but apparently at the moment I cannot. I just hurt so fucking bad. I do not know what to do. I feel I have no one to talk too. I really do. I really want to just scream!!!!

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I know the feelings. First forgive yourself then learn to love yourself.

It isnt easy... infact maybe the biggest assignment to date? But, that is where your healing starts, good luck
deleted_user
deleted_user

StoneHeartedMan is right.

Also:

it sounds like he wants some space for a while, so maybe when he wants to talk to you then you can talk to him about how you feel. Hopefully his ex doesn\'t complicate things too much between the two of you.

I wish you the best. Hang in there.