Getting up

So back in OCT 2015, I decided that I was getting too fat and slow, so I said to myself that I did not like who I was becoming, I had no pride in myself, no motivation, no will to live. Something had to change and it had to start with me. I forgive myself for being a fool, for caring about my kids to much to allow them to grow up in a environment that I did. I forgave myself for not leaving and to continue through a living hell everyday. I forgive myself for ever giving you any of my love. I forgive myself for trusting you. I forgive myself for wanting more in life. I forgive myself for wanting you to die. I forgive myself for thinking you would change your ways. I forgive myself that I have to be around you to protect my kids. I forgive myself for hating you sooo bad! But anyways, I have been working out lost some weight put on some muscle and looking good, its drive her crazy thinking I am doing what she did for someone else, like she did to me...lol. I laugh a lot just to feel better, even though the laughs don't always help. I have just over 7 years more to get through, keep it together, keep pushing on, do it for them not her. It just makes life so hard knowing other women are out there that would be grateful for what I have to offer. I miss being in love, miss looking deep in someones eyes to see their soul. :/
Life will always knock you down, that's a given, only the winners keep getting back up!