Getting worse I think...
I feel so empty... They say the hardest day is the first. It is and it isn't. The first day everything seems like a nightmare. When it starts to sink in, damn it hurts. Hot pokers to the chest, unrelenting and never ending.
I can't talk to anyone. Not at home anyway. They don't say anything but I can feel how they're tired of hearing about it. So I keep it all inside, and like a cancer it eats at me.
I can't sleep without aid. Last night I ended up taking 7 sleeping tablets. I've taken 4 tonight and I'm nowhere near sleepy.
I often forget he's not here anymore. Every noise that sounds like him, and I think "just a moment, Ode"or "how cute is Odie?"and then I remember and it's like a freight train running me over. Actually it reminds me of this Criss Angel stunt where he's run over very very slowly with a steamroller and a ton of glass is underneath him.
I know I need grief counselling, or just counselling period. I can feel the depression all around me, flooding my senses till there's nothing left but an endless black abyss.
In less than an hour it'll be my birthday. People are trying to invite me out to celebrate but I just can't. I just want to sleep the whole day away. There's nothing to celebrate. It's just another day I'm without Odie... So why bother?
I can't talk to anyone. Not at home anyway. They don't say anything but I can feel how they're tired of hearing about it. So I keep it all inside, and like a cancer it eats at me.
I can't sleep without aid. Last night I ended up taking 7 sleeping tablets. I've taken 4 tonight and I'm nowhere near sleepy.
I often forget he's not here anymore. Every noise that sounds like him, and I think "just a moment, Ode"or "how cute is Odie?"and then I remember and it's like a freight train running me over. Actually it reminds me of this Criss Angel stunt where he's run over very very slowly with a steamroller and a ton of glass is underneath him.
I know I need grief counselling, or just counselling period. I can feel the depression all around me, flooding my senses till there's nothing left but an endless black abyss.
In less than an hour it'll be my birthday. People are trying to invite me out to celebrate but I just can't. I just want to sleep the whole day away. There's nothing to celebrate. It's just another day I'm without Odie... So why bother?
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