Getting through the Holidays Can Be Difficult

Friday, November 28, 2008 – 6:25 P.M.  I have not enjoyed the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays since I was a child.  No matter how many years have passed, I cannot seem to forget that my father died shortly before Thanksgiving, and my mother passed away ten days before Christmas.  The fact that I lost both my parents during the holidays has seemingly ruined the joy that I used to have while my parents were living, even though I had problems at that time.   My father passed away in 1982, and my mother in 1994.  My father really enjoyed Christmas, dressing up in Christmas colors of red and green.  There are times I remember my mother also getting into the spirit of Christmas, although my memories of her have dimmed throughout the years.   I suspect that my brother, sister, and I each perceive the Christmas holidays in a different way.  My sister acts much like a child with fun and glee.  She seems to be awestruck by all of the different Christmas decorations and colorful lights.  She loves to go Christmas shopping, and even though she says she will only buy one or two items a year, she always winds up with much more than that.   I cannot really say how my brother celebrates the Christmas season, because I have not been around him much in recent years.  I have heard that in years past, he and his family hardly ever exchanged Christmas gifts, but made donations to charities of their choice instead.  I have an idea that this has changed somewhat in the last few years, because my brother now has four grandchildren.   Getting through the holidays is rough for me.  I never really understood the cause of that until I started getting some counseling and came to an understanding of the real meaning of a dysfunctional family.   Although my sister has tried telling me that I should have gotten over the grief of losing our parents a long time ago, and that I should have put aside the memories of my abuse, I have not been able to do that.  I suspect that each of us goes through these things at our own pace, and it is just taking me longer than it did for her.  I doubt that anything my sister says or does will change that.