Getting there... Slowly
Today I'm feeling better. They were short on staff at work, so I didn't have to work with the girl that gives me attitude. That made me feel a lot better and a lot less stressed. I met this new girl, another volunteer who is willing to help out. She's getting her bachelor's in Psychology so she's looking to work in the mental health department. It would be cool to have someone there who I know who I can count on if I need a favor. I don't know what kind of favors I would need, but still it would be nice. I see my therapist tomorrow and we will see how that goes. I'm going to link her to my journal here so she can see what's going on. I don't think I'm ready to talk more about letting go again this week... I think I need to focus more on coping skills at work when you are with someone who is getting on your nerves. Before, I would just let the people get to me and build up the stress inside. I would then take it out on Geo or whoever was around, sadly. I would get mad and moody since I was stressed and didn't know how to deal with it. It seems that I need to learn a lot about coping with stress. I did say that coping skills were one of the things that I wanted to work on when I went into therapy, so it's in line with my goals for therapy. I also want to talk about my dad and what I can do to make it easier for me to deal with his passing again this year. I've been doing good today, but I don't know what later in the month will bring. I think I have enough money to see her one more time at the end of the month, or see her on the day of my dad's death, depending on what she wants me to do. I don't know what she would think is best.
Anyway, back to my mood. I felt good today... I got 12 hours of sleep last night, albeit broken sleep. I woke up every couple of hours to take some more klonopin. I took some at midnight to get to sleep, then at 4am and 7am. It only lasts a couple hours for me, so I needed a boost to keep me asleep. It makes me wonder if I'm going hypomanic, but I don't feel that way. I don't feel all full of energy (although I did laundry today out of pure necessity) and I'm not going on a cleaning kick. I feel ready to go to bed soon so I can wake up early for my appointment tomorrow. I don't want to wake up early, but I have to do what I have to do. I don't have to walk a lot, so I don't have to worry about my costrochondritis, but I do have to worry about being out for a long time. I will be gone from 9am to 5pm. I know for most people that's a regular day, but for me it's a super long one. I may start fading before the day is over, and may need a coffee kick. I have money in my account, so I don't have to worry about not being able to afford it, but it's more a question of availability. By the time I get to work they are out of coffee, so I might have to bring some tea or something with me. I should go put that in my purse when I'm done with this so I don't forget. I need to air out my backpack... it got stinky in the rain! I had a jacket in there, and it got wet and it -stank-. That's why I had to do laundry today. I couldn't live with that stinky jacket. But it's all clean now yay! I wish I would stop hallucinating. It's been pretty bad for the past couple of weeks, and I upped my antipsychotic but I'm still getting them. I see my psych on Thursday, so I can talk to him about what I can do to make them go away. Maybe I just need more time to get used to the higher dose... I only started it a week ago. Some times things take time.
Food was good today... I ate a bunch of “bad” food, but I got in my calorie range. Tomorrow is going to be good food, since I'm probably going to go to Subway and get something from there for lunch. That is, if I can avoid the temptation of Panera Bread. They have some good looking salads there, and I've been wanting some salad. I'm going to link again to my Spark People account so people can follow what I eat and exercise. Exercise has been bad lately because of the pain, but what can I do? I need time to heal. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_tracker.asp?id=LARISSA238&dte=9%2F12%2F2011 Everything else I was supposed to cover I already did, so it's time for me to get ready for bed!
Anyway, back to my mood. I felt good today... I got 12 hours of sleep last night, albeit broken sleep. I woke up every couple of hours to take some more klonopin. I took some at midnight to get to sleep, then at 4am and 7am. It only lasts a couple hours for me, so I needed a boost to keep me asleep. It makes me wonder if I'm going hypomanic, but I don't feel that way. I don't feel all full of energy (although I did laundry today out of pure necessity) and I'm not going on a cleaning kick. I feel ready to go to bed soon so I can wake up early for my appointment tomorrow. I don't want to wake up early, but I have to do what I have to do. I don't have to walk a lot, so I don't have to worry about my costrochondritis, but I do have to worry about being out for a long time. I will be gone from 9am to 5pm. I know for most people that's a regular day, but for me it's a super long one. I may start fading before the day is over, and may need a coffee kick. I have money in my account, so I don't have to worry about not being able to afford it, but it's more a question of availability. By the time I get to work they are out of coffee, so I might have to bring some tea or something with me. I should go put that in my purse when I'm done with this so I don't forget. I need to air out my backpack... it got stinky in the rain! I had a jacket in there, and it got wet and it -stank-. That's why I had to do laundry today. I couldn't live with that stinky jacket. But it's all clean now yay! I wish I would stop hallucinating. It's been pretty bad for the past couple of weeks, and I upped my antipsychotic but I'm still getting them. I see my psych on Thursday, so I can talk to him about what I can do to make them go away. Maybe I just need more time to get used to the higher dose... I only started it a week ago. Some times things take time.
Food was good today... I ate a bunch of “bad” food, but I got in my calorie range. Tomorrow is going to be good food, since I'm probably going to go to Subway and get something from there for lunch. That is, if I can avoid the temptation of Panera Bread. They have some good looking salads there, and I've been wanting some salad. I'm going to link again to my Spark People account so people can follow what I eat and exercise. Exercise has been bad lately because of the pain, but what can I do? I need time to heal. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_tracker.asp?id=LARISSA238&dte=9%2F12%2F2011 Everything else I was supposed to cover I already did, so it's time for me to get ready for bed!
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