Getting there

Headache a little better today.  Mixed a cocktail of darvocette and aleve last night and it actually worked, for a while.  It has worn off now but I only have less than 2 hours of work to go.  Then i'll take another dose so I can rake the front yard when I get home.  Doug still won't leave me alone.  He was actually being nice to me- he was horny too.  Don't want anything with him anymore though.  My busted up, broken heart is on a shelf right now.  Not giving it to anyone. It's too fragile right now.  Probably won't give it to anyone ever again, well, unless Spanky earns the right to it again.  I do love him and if the "insight" to my future is right, he will want it again and earn it, me, and my love back forever.  I can't wait until that day comes!!!  Until then, I have to get to feeling better about myself and like me for me.  Just not going to open myself up to anyone.  It will be like window shopping, you see something you might like but the store is closed and you don't have the money to buy it to begin with.   One thing I don't get though- I keep hearing the same damn song over and over again out of 4 stations recently.  Spanky had Nickleback's "Rockstar" on his cell phone as a ringtone when we met. I keep hearing that song played on all different stations at different times.  It's old!!!  When I turn on country stations I hear Come On In by Rodney Atkins.  He had that somg on his phone closer to the end of our relationship.  Occasionally I will hear "paralyzed" by Finger Eleven- my song for him.  I don't know if something is being said to me or what.  is this the sign I have been asking for to tell me things will either be ok or its over?  Is this telling me to hang in there and just like the song comes back to visit me, Spanky will too?  Will be interesting to find out