Getting Stronger Everyday by Sara Evans
I'm not sure of much right now, I know what my brain tells me so I follow but my feelings are a huge jumble. Glad he's gone but sad he's gone, grieving the death of my marriage, hardly able to believe it's real. I'm doing ok but the fear in me says that this is it for me, at the age of 41 I have gone as far as I'll ever go, this is it. A McDonalds worker, alone. Alot of men wouldn't even think of asking me out, I don't know why, I'm pretty but I am a bit wishy washy at times. I don't think anyone will like me for long, if at all.
It's hard to choose to be alone than to live pretending nothing is wrong with your marriage, it can be easier to pretend. It was tempting, I almost did it, but in the end I couldn't stop it from happening.
Sometimes it feels as though the pain will kill me but it doesn't and it makes me mad! But have to go through it, I can't wait for the day when he's not the first and last thing I think about! I know he can never come back after the horrible things he's done and it's so hard not to think about the suffering he's caused in 2 complete families and now he's preying on a third family and he knows it but doesn't care. Well, I warned them so it's out of my hands and to think on it only slows my healing, so I'll let it go as soon as it comes to mind and move on.
I pray someday I'll be glad I'm alive, that there will be someone to love me for me, to believe that I have purpose in life and not that I take up space.
It's hard to choose to be alone than to live pretending nothing is wrong with your marriage, it can be easier to pretend. It was tempting, I almost did it, but in the end I couldn't stop it from happening.
Sometimes it feels as though the pain will kill me but it doesn't and it makes me mad! But have to go through it, I can't wait for the day when he's not the first and last thing I think about! I know he can never come back after the horrible things he's done and it's so hard not to think about the suffering he's caused in 2 complete families and now he's preying on a third family and he knows it but doesn't care. Well, I warned them so it's out of my hands and to think on it only slows my healing, so I'll let it go as soon as it comes to mind and move on.
I pray someday I'll be glad I'm alive, that there will be someone to love me for me, to believe that I have purpose in life and not that I take up space.
Replies
I think that is what everyone fears the most; if we will ever find someone to accept us for who we are.
I am very touched by this piece you wrote. It takes strength. You may feel that you are broken, but you truely are not. You were breaking when you were staying because hiding, lying, cheating yourself in believing that what you both had was \"ok\" is not being strong. Strength comes from letting go and facing your fears, even if it mean that you might be alone. It is this act that will help you find peace and love of a greater kind.
I wish I had your courage. Sooner than later I hope.
Hugs
I\'ll be thinking of you, thank you for commenting here. I\'m so scared and sometimes I get close to texting him but I don\'t. I can\'t believe how hard it is to make the one you love leave your life, but I have to say it was out of my hands really, it all just kind of happened. I\'ve known for so long that it takes more strength to leave than to let it continue so now I have to live it even though I don\'t like it.