Getting married again!

My boyfriend of 3 yrs. proposed to me on Christmas Eve 2016, and I said yes! We are very happy and excited about this next phase of our life together. On the outside, family and friends have been supportive and congratulatory to us, as we have both been through a lot (him a nasty divorce 8 yrs ago, me the sudden loss of my husband of 25 yrs, 3yrs. and 8 mos ago). The problem is my daughters, ages 21.5 and 23.5. They both claim that they don't have a problem with my fiance, but they are furious with me. Both daughters have mental health issues, especially my youngest. Due to her mental health issues, it is extremely difficult to work through this. For over 10 years, I have advocated and supported both daughters through mental illness, substance abuse, financial support, etc. All of this was concurrent with caregiving for my mother and in-laws, who all passed away in the past 3 1/2 years as well. In a nutshell, I'm tired of taking care of everyone else, and I want to be happy. My fiance treats me like a queen, and I am crazy about him. I never thought I'd fall in love with someone after losing my beloved husband. 


My daughters have never acknowledged all that I have done for them. I barely get acknowledged for birthdays, mother's day, etc. I always give them positive feedback and tell them that all I want is for them to be happy. My oldest writes beautiful letters to her dad on social media, telling him how much she misses him, etc. I am weirdly jealous. I have never gotten a "thank you" or "what can I do to make your life easier, Mom?".  I am so angry and hurt. To top everything, both girls told me vehemently that they will not be at my wedding. I know that "you can't argue with crazy", but it still hurts.


My younger daughter was downright cruel to me in a meeting with a family therapist. I agreed to see a FT with her to help her, but it is draining on me. 


I'm sick of dealing with this. I love my daughters, but I never get any love or kindness in return. How do I get off this hamster wheel?


Replies

SandyV1
SandyV1

Congratulations on your engagement!
I'm sorry that your daughters are being difficult. I have an adult stepdaughter with mental health issues and know just how wearing it can be. It's like trying to speak an unknown language.
All the best.
tcw1964
tcw1964

Thanks for your kind words.