Getting lost in all these days.
I am still enjoying my job on the farm, taking care of the elderly gentleman with Altzheimers. The days and nights go by, and I can easily just get lost in all these days ......... not even caring about the day of the week or the date!!
Yesterday afternoon I stood outside and watched the sunset, I watched the sun slowly disappearing, until it was gone......... And then I felt sick!!! I will never ever watch the sun go down again!!! You see, it was just like standing next to Colleen's bed again, watching her heart monitor slowly going down and down until that deafening sound of that straight line......
I am not an aggressive person, normally, but when my "rev's" run into the red zone, I tend to explode. Last night the old man was quite aggressive and insulting, and refused to go to sleep. His attitude pushed me just over the red zone border! So I threatened to beat him up if he said one more insulting thing to me. (I feel so ashamed now!) We stared at each other for a few seconds, then he got into his bed and went to sleep! Interesting thing is that he calls me "old lady", but he is 85 and I am 60! Hee-heee!!
Warm hugs to each one of my DS friends! xxx
Yesterday afternoon I stood outside and watched the sunset, I watched the sun slowly disappearing, until it was gone......... And then I felt sick!!! I will never ever watch the sun go down again!!! You see, it was just like standing next to Colleen's bed again, watching her heart monitor slowly going down and down until that deafening sound of that straight line......
I am not an aggressive person, normally, but when my "rev's" run into the red zone, I tend to explode. Last night the old man was quite aggressive and insulting, and refused to go to sleep. His attitude pushed me just over the red zone border! So I threatened to beat him up if he said one more insulting thing to me. (I feel so ashamed now!) We stared at each other for a few seconds, then he got into his bed and went to sleep! Interesting thing is that he calls me "old lady", but he is 85 and I am 60! Hee-heee!!
Warm hugs to each one of my DS friends! xxx
Replies
I\'m sorry that watching the sun set triggered that memory of your precious Colleen... We never know what those triggers might be and how hard and fast they will hit. Deepest of sighs...
Well, it feels as if the man you are caring for understood you meant business. Oh, my! Not sure how you can get things across to him when you need to that might not make you feel the way that you describe afterward. A work in progress indeed I would suspect.
Lots of loving care to you and one step at a time,
XO Joanie
oops... LOL I remember when I was taking care of my dad... he had Parkinsons and had trouble getting up without assistance... one night he was trying to get up and he knocked over a lamp... the next morning I went in to get him up for the day and found the lamp lying on the rug where the lightbulb had scorched the rug... I was horrified thinking how awful if the rug or the floor below had burst into flames... so I gave him some metal spoons to clang like hell if he woke and needed me at night... I guess he was terribly lonesome that night... every few moments he\'d beat the hell out of those spoons... He kept saying he needed to go to the bathroom... but he had on an external catheter and a diaper because at night it was necessary or I wouldn\'t get any rest... after about the 5th time I lost it and told him I was ready to clang the damn spoons upside his head... that I had to go to school and go to work the next day and he had to let me get some sleep... poor love... he really didn\'t mean any harm... I felt awful... Anyone who has done it knows care giving can be a very difficult task... I hope you and your old guy were able to talk some today... as we all know... this frigging getting old thing can absolutely suck!
I think it is so easy to be pushed to our limits at times. We are only human! The important thing is he went to sleep and hopefully you were able to get some rest too. It truly amazes me what can trigger our memories of our lost one! Sometimes it is the simplest things. Andelene, I admire what you do and the courage that it takes to do it. You are one caring and giving lady! Sending love and prayers of patience across the lands, Leda
Those triggers pop up when we least expect them. I understand how you felt. It is easy ot lose patience with people suffering Dementia. I am glad you didn\'t respond physically. I used to tell staff to ensure the person was safe and walk out, take deep breaths and go back when they were calm. When you are dealing with aggression, physical and/or verbal, it is easy to lose it. The upside is, they probably won\'t remember what they did or said when you go back in.
I chuckled when I read that the 85 year old man called you old! He probably thinks he is in his 30s. I can\'t tell you some of the things I have been called! Many years ago, when I was working the evening shift, I tucked a \"sweet little old lady\' in to bed. I asked if there was anything she needed. She said \"No dear\". As I was leaving I heard her say \"You Bitch!\". And that is nothing to what I have been called when I\'ve had to change their soiled underwear etc. It is part of the job. One needs the patience of Job and a sense of humour to work with dementia patients. I just try to remember that even if they seem rational, they are not - I am the caregiver. That sounded preachy - I am sure you have heard it all before! Sorry about that but I used to teach this stuff!
Love to you and sweet Colleen.
Tight hugs, M
Oh how I hate those triggers because it is usually unexpected and something so beautiful as a sunset is clouded with our tears. I am so sorry.....this journey is never smooth all the time, is it?
I too laughed when I read about the gentleman you are taking care of.....Don\'t be hard on yourself - it takes a tremendous amount of patience taking care of a patient with Alzheimers.
When I was working hospice I was with a patient in a memory care unit and another patient kept opening her door to her room and yelled \"dumb ass\".....every 15 seconds or so, she would open her door and yell \"DUMB ASS\" - One of the caregivers finally, after 2 hours had enough and opened her door and yelled inside the room \"dumb ass\".....at first an outsider might have been upset but to us dealing with that on a regular basis have their breaking point when enough is enough.....the rest of the night, the door remained closed.....I smile just thinking of that.....life is funny sometimes.
You are one special lady to be there for him. ((((((hugs))))) Vicki