Getting close to Christmas...Again

Well its 5 days away from christmas. last year wasnt a fun one and this one is promising to be a bummer too.  For whatever reason, I have agreed to allow her to wait to tell me what she is going to do Jan 1.  I guess just to get through these holidays.  divorce is an ugly thing.  Something I dont want and have never wanted.  But since I can only control my actions, then my actions should be to scream NOOOO.  but I will sit somber and watch my life walk away from me.  its not because I dont want to fight to keep it, I have done that for the past year, but because I am at the end of my strength.  This warrior has fought long and hard, I got some rest and got back up but I am taking a beating again so what can I do but leave the battlefield and heal up, and promise myself to never venture here again.
I know I am the better man because child molesters are not men. I mustve married a woman with a chemical imbalance or something.  why journey back into that but its not for me to understand.  I am only me.  I can only work on myself.