Getting By.....
Just feeling lost and stuck again.... Everyone is moving on around me. Others do struggle to, but they have someone to reach out to or they are content just doing things on their own. I am feeling like I have neither. Turn everything over to God and pray for strength and guidance.....I am trying to do that... feeling like he's a little far away too, but that could be me....tugging, trying to take back my problems to "fix them quicker", never completely trusting him and his time frame.
Stbx and I are getting along ok right now. The papers are filed. We are going from crisis to crisis The latest is a letter saying we owe several thousand $$$ to the IRS for taxes from 2 years ago..... This comes after getting them done this year and getting our check by direct deposit. Then we get an $8 check saying we overpaid. Now we owe $6 grand???? wtf?
Again I am thinking as he requests trying counseling ..... or that maybe we should try to coexist under the same roof (simply as we are now.... roommates.) I don't think I can do that ....will never be able to move on. I am feeling like the world is passing me by again... and I am stagnating. ... still craving just a simple happy existence.
Wishing,yet again... to just have someone to come home to....to talk with and listen to... to do things together (both work and play)...to hangout at home working in the back yard, barbecuing on the grill...just us or for friends too... or maybe a bit of traveling (so much to see) There could be so much to this life... without almost constant tension, sadness and longing to just be accepted and wanted.......wondering if I ever was.....
Replies
Hugs my friend. You are being too hard on yourself. You need to be gentle and caring. You are not even out of the starting gate. It will take time and hard work to move on. It takes about 1 year for every 4 years of a relationship. I did not believe that but it is true. It took me the better part of 5 years to even start feeling human and a couple more to move on. I lived with the ex for one year and it was hard. Be ready to see them in a light that you never have seen before. Be ready to be blamed for everything from the earth spinning to the sun rising. Do not agree with anything, do not sign anything. Stand firm and strong. One thing, if their lips are moving they are lying
I think it's common to compare ourselves with others, but then I learned not to do that because we are all on different life paths and I need to be concerned with mine and mine alone, and I had better luck focusing on the present, however, It's ok to dream but make sure they are happy dreams :) You create what you dream as long as you believe it will happen!
Happiness comes from within. I was very discouraged when I thought others could supply me with the happiness I was lacking.. I found it through the spiritual path I am following. I had neglected the spiritual side of me for a long time and it finally caught up with me and made me take notice :)
I lived with my ex for about a year after the divorce. It worked out well for both of us financially.
Yes, what Mary said is so true. Take time to grieve. My marriage was dead after 24 years. I cried but now I am over it and happy as a pig in shit :) Good things happen out of bad situations. It took well over a year before I went on my first after marriage date but I still felt like I needed more healing and I haven't been since.
So hang in there. You will be fine.
God Bless
A happy, simple existence. Is that on the menu? I would like very much to put my order in. If I may I’ll order for all of us. So we don’t have to wait too long. And Kim; please remember to accept and want yourself too. I know how you long for another to give that. We all do. But what came first; the chicken or the egg?
Yes to what finallyawakenow says. That happiness is inside YOU, you find that piece of happiness first and foremost. I found mine, and not through any other person. It *just* came about from finally getting out from under the crushing oppression of a dead marriage and couldn't-care-less husband. That's "all" it took. I'd love to tell you that I found happiness while going through the divorce, by pursuing activities and putting myself first, but that wasn't my reality. By running, going to a life coach, support from a few friends, I was able to sustain myself, keep myself out of the feelings of depression that I had before I filed, and start rebuilding strength. But happiness was elusive at that point.
I do not subscribe to the 1 year for every 4 of marriage recipe for moving on. It's different for everybody. For those of us who have lived in a dead marriage for so long already, it's especially not applicable. We'd been grieving the marriage long before any papers were filed. My prediction for you if that you will find someone someday, because you want it so badly. But just make sure you're good with yourself first. Really good. :) :)
My best friend in life got out of a crummy marriage and her experience was this: she celebrated and then found herself in a very deep depression, because it was rather anticlimactic. It was really more of a, “shit, who am I, really?” The fantasy of what she imagined how she would be was not aligning with the fact that she was a bit of a stranger to herself. And it really makes sense because when you’ve been with someone for a while, you probably have not been entirely authentic in order to work on the relationship, please the other person, living a lie, etc.
She went into therapy and started her own business shortly thereafter, putting her energy into cultivating her own self worth. You can’t get that from another person. I’d say that’s why my friend’s relationship was probably doomed from the start, because she looked for her self worth in her relationships with men.
So it took some rebuilding on her part before she even considered dating again. She didn’t want to fall into the same trap. That was like 20 years ago and she is a remarkable, accomplished woman. I’m not sure she could have done that without really taking time for herself after her marriage to get spiritually and emotionally healthy.
So yeah, be really good with yourself first before all else. Give yourself permission to do that rather than put pressure on yourself to have to find someone else once your marriage is over.
Hugs!!!!!