Getting Back on Track
Friday, April 10, 2009 - 1 PM I am finally beginning to feel better again. My UTI seems to be clearing up (thanks to the new antibiotic), and it is no longer sapping me of so much energy. This has been a long time in coming. Another thing that was probably being detrimental to my health was my feeling a need to solve all my problems at one time. I could not do it, and it was impractical to think I could. Several months ago, when I was feeling pretty good, I suddenly decided that I was feeling so nicely that I no longer needed to take my antidepressants. (I did learn not to always listen to what my mind tells me.) I wound up only taking a small quantity of my medication each day. There were even a few days when I took none at all. In the last month or two, I have gotten to the point where I felt extremely depressed. (I wonder why?) I have begun taking my full medication again and cannot believe how much better I feel. I am certainly not ready to "go out on the town," but I do have more get up and go. That was not the first time I ever stopped taking my antidepressants. I have done that before, and have had the same results. I keep promising myself that I will never do it again, yet sooner or later, I wind up breaking that promise. I am planning on spending part of this weekend making a list of things that need to be done. Once I have that written up, I will then prioritize the items. In this way, I can take them one at a time, thereby eliminating my feeling that everything has to be done at once. Sunday afternoon, I am going to spend Easter Sunday at my nephew's house. When he called to issue an invitation to me, I said that I would definitely be there as long as there was free food. They are having a whole dinner, so I will not be disappointed. Yesterday I received a Happy Easter card from my brother and his wife. I was almost shocked to death. That was the first time I ever received one from them in more than ten years. I wonder if they are buttering me up for something?
Replies
I remember your last revelation about anti-depressants.
If you are lucky enough to be able to take them and they help you, please do it.
I can\'t take them. But, I\'ve also figured out a lot of what was bugging me too, so now I don\'t really think I\'d need them.
I hope your invitation is because they want you there, plain and simple.
Who knows, maybe you\'re the catalyst that\'s helping clear the air in a lot of areas no one else has had the guts to do. ANd they feel safer because you\'re trying, so they will too.
Just keep doing what you\'re doing FOR YOU though. FOR YOU. Never lose sight of that.
Hugs and Mojo
Weebs
Although my sister\'s family usually invites me to spend birthdays and holidays with them, I have this inner voice in my head that tells me they are going out of their way to include me in their family get-togethers ever since my brother made his unkind remarks to me. I am not entirely comfortable with that because I only want their understanding, and not their pity..
There are a lot of things swirling around in my head this weekend. There are a lot of things bugging me, but I\'m having a lot of problems grabbing them, and trying to figure out what is causing the trouble.
In my upcoming journals, I am going to try and break down my thoughts into smaller pieces. There may be a lot of junk in my mind that is clogging up my mental ability to function as well as possible.
Hi Jim Hang in there. Have a nice Easter Weekend. hugs-Stephanie
I\'ve done the same thing many times, Jim. I feel lucky to have a Dr. who understands that it\'s part of depression to stop taking meds. There is still a lot of controversy surrounding taking them and I think that I feel that pressure at times. I want to feel \'normal\'. Whatever that is!!
I think it\'s a good idea to try and connect with your feelings and sort through them. I look forward to reading about it. I\'m having issues connecting with my own feelings this Easter.
I think that inner voice is simply residue from the past. Your brother has caused a lot of hurt for you. It\'s normal that you\'d expect him to be causing some here. I hope you are able to let go of any expectations and enjoy the dinner at your sister\'s place.