Getting Back on the Horse

I did a blog with the same title at Spark People a couple of days ago, since I'm starting to get back to doing my 5k. I did a walk and jog thing today, walk 4 minutes and jog 1 minute for 25 minutes. I did pretty well, considering how bad I did yesterday. I sat to stretch once, and then once my 25 minutes were up I sat again, but I wasn't home. I don't know how I'm going to do this new 5k training... it's kicking my butt. The jogging is easy at first, but then by the third time around I'm barely above a walk. I think it also has to do with my walking speed... it changes a lot depending on the song I'm listening to. I have an upbeat mix of music I listen to while I work out, and it's pretty fun, but it varies my walking speed. I think I need to get my music in line with my workout, like have a specific set of songs to listen to while walking and while jogging. I'm going to start jogging more as the challenge goes on, so it won't just be for a minute. Next week it's going to be 1.5, then 2 and so on. I have a feeling that this challenge is going to be that- a challenge. The last C25K I did was pretty easy for the most part... this is going to be harder. I'm going to need to change it up a bit, and go farther than they ask me to since I walk slow. Today I did a mile, my next one I'm going to do a mile and a quarter or a mile and a half, depending on how I feel. I think I need to mix the walking and jogging challenge with the distances of the original C25K that I did. (C25K is the couch to 5k training program I did last time I did my 5K). Either way, I need to figure out something.
Mood was okay today. I didn't feel too much. I don't think I'm numb, though, just apathetic in a way. I just don't care too much one way or the other. I need to start increasing my Celexa like Bad Doc wants, but I don't want to at the same time. I don't want to be on more medication than I need to, and even though I know I need to be on more of it I don't want to. I guess I'm just being stubborn and I should start with the higher dose tomorrow. Hopefully it will take away the apathy and replace it with happy. That's all I want right now- to be happy. I don't get enjoyment out of the things that I normally do... I was watching my friend's show on the Travel Channel (Sand Masters- Sundays at 7pm!) and it felt like a chore. I watch it to support her, since she and I have known each other for years, but at the same time today it felt like I had to do it instead of me wanting to do it. It's a cool show, and I'm glad that she has a good job and everything and I should be happy for her. I just can't feel it, though. I wish I could... I wish I could care about stuff.
This morning I cared that Geo had eaten more of my food without asking, so I went to the store today and got more food. I find it hard to believe sometimes how much food he eats, but at the same time I eat a lot myself. We need to eat to survive, right? It's just hard living with a food addict who doesn't respect your food when you try and set it aside. I went to the store and I got him ice cream when I shouldn't have, but it's almost routine for me to get it for him now. I wanted some myself, I think that was the thing. I probably won't even get any, that's the kicker. Today I was hungry, and I think I ate my calories. I know I got my protein in, since almost everything I ate was protein. Well, I just put them in and I'm a bit low, but it's better than it has been the past couple days (except for the party) since it's been low. I lost weight again... I'm officially 241.5. I'm losing weight, and that's a good thing. I think it's been slow, but it's been steady. I wish I would lose it faster, but there's only so much I can do. I know eating too few calories is just going to make me gain again, so I know not to go that route, and same with over-exercising. I just have to keep it steady.
Food today was good... I had a chicken thigh and some cookies for breakfast, some ham and a yogurt for lunch, and regular dinner. I also had a protein shake in the middle of the day to kinda hold me over as a snack. I'm low on carbs, but oh well. Mood is apathetic... I just don't care about stuff. I'm not numb because I can feel, I just don't care how I feel. Stress is low- I don't care, so I'm not stressed. Sleep was okay last night... I felt like I got better sleep but I was awake in the middle of the morning again for a couple hours (from 5-7am).