getting all stalkery again

I need to stop messaging her, I need to stop I do I do I do. I am getting all obsessive and weird I get like this when I am excited. I need to keep my self under control she'll get really mad and it makes me look desperate and weak. Well I am desperate and weak but we cant let her onto that little secret now can we. Okay so i sent her a kitty video, kitty video, song about dildos, kitty video, then i started talking about stefan salvatore from vampire diaries then another kitty video.
This has got to stop and im so excited and happy im making a fool of myself, so I was talking to a friend the other day about this and they said use what you do with thoughts of drugs, start doing something else distract yourself. So what better way to distract myself then start writing absolute bullshit about my life that nobody can be bothered to read. 
Ima gonna blog this one out, yes indeed I am going to sit my ass right here and write until my compulsion to mail dies down. Its a sad sad day indeed how pathetic is this writing in a journal to stop yourself from writing to a real person. Okay lets do this lets treat this journal like a person.
Dear diary,
I love her so much so so much but im crazy not crazy in love oh no I am batshit crazy the loony bin type of crazy, I get obsessed with things when I get a thought stuck in my head I cant get it out it repeats itself repeats itself repeats itself and I cant get it out. Not a very appealing trait in a man, I pretend to have my shit together and seem normal and composed but Im not, I dont have my shit together I just wanna email her sooooo bad. I have so many questions to ask, so many videos to show, so many memes, so many jokes theres just soo much to share and so little time to do it.
I really need to keep a grip on reality, I have to be there for her just quietly be there not talk too much and just show her how I feel with my actions. I mean we both know my words mean nothing, to her atleast. God damn cunt ass mother fucker why isnt she mailing back :@ she must have had a lunch break or something during this whole time I mean am I really to believe she hasnt come online this whole time?
Shendy you cant ruin this you wont ever get another chance like this again you have to keep it together, no matter what. As of now we are in fight mode. We blog out every move think twice before doing anything and work like an animal.
Work aah work work work shendy you havent done jack shit in the last two days; all you have done is refresh your gmail waiting for her mails or talking to her when and how exactly do you plan to "work like an animal" get it together man.
I cant stop obsessing I dont wanna work :( I wanna sit with her all day and just talk and look at her pretty hair and stroke her arms and kiss her neck and ooooooookay i dont like the direction that trail of thoughts was going in; this is a diary not a fucking porno, I think the politically correct term is erotic literature :P
My gmail just showed another mail has been recieved my hearts pounding soo fast. it was her she said "hey im so sorry i have been crazy busy today i will get back to u later" thats it just one line, she was always one of few words.
She really must be busy shendy, she at work she has a job a real job the kind where you go to the office and interact with people and do shit not like your pityful sit at home and dick around online pathetic excuse for a job.
Yeah well I make 4 times as much as she does :P
yeah well she has a degree and can put what she does on a resume.
touchay
Okay so she will get back to me later now this in itself poses a dilemma what the fuck on earth do I do until then?
well you could play some dota, or watch a movie or something or maybe gee i dont know work :P Shendy you know you have two papers due this sunday you have got to get it together.
You know what this isnt helping I have been blogging for three hours now I still cant stop thinking about her, the compulsion is still there. Oh god I am such a mess
okay okay I have an idea, one game dota, then watch something, then work. Viola by the end of that she'll hopefully be online again and wanna talk....