GET ON WITH IT!
Journaling huh? What a concept!I love to write, but I always feel compelled to write at length… so I'm giving that up and just writing anything even if it's very brief.Since that time I've written, my partner has been completely sober since the 1st of November. I give him a lot of credit for that, but it was pretty much the last straw for me. He's also taken my advice to see a therapist who's gay. He resisted at first, and complained he'd hate it even before his first meeting, but now that he's met with him for three sessions, he's thrilled. He's connecting well with his therapist and talking about everything he should have had someone to talk about years ago.I've been suffering from some low-level depression and anxiety for weeks, but I'm good at doing cognitive therapy and so far my depression is manageable.I feel "stuck" right now, as if I want to move forward, but apprehension and fear of the unknown is holding me back. I know how to drive, but I feel like I've only been a passenger in my life (Maybe that's a bit of an overstatement.) I need to some changes in my life. Ones that will take me to a place I'd rather be. Fear about making changes (the unknown) is a bitch.
Replies
Change is scary but necessary... Your partner sounds like he is putting forth the effort to make changes in how he deals with things, which is commendable. I\'m very scared of change but I ultimately realize it\'s what I have to go through to get to where I want to be. Hang in there. -Sam
I\'m glad to hear your partner has been sober and that he\'s seeing positive returns from counseling. I am sorry to hear you have been depressed and feeling stuck. CT will help to move you forward. Take it one day at a time and don\'t forget to stay here and now. It\'s fine to have goals and want change, but now is all you have to work with.
Please don\'t hesitate to write - even a mere haiku. I always appreciate what you have to say and it\'s a good creative outlet to get the bottle-stopper out of our minds. So glad to see you back friend.
Hi Chuck... When you wrote \"I feel stuck\" that pretty much described me throughout most of the last 15 years. When I went back to Seminary I was overjoyed that things were starting to finally work out for me - that included finally dodging the need to come out... hahaha. Within 7 months my mom had died and my \"need\" to keep my secret secret any more finally began to collapse. However, being the really stubborn control freak that I used to be, I fought tooth and nail until this past November 2010. I wasn\'t a passenger, but I wasn\'t riding in the car either. It felt more like I was bound and gagged being dragged behind the car!
Now only 3 months into finally being out to most of the people I know, I feel a different kind of stuck-ness, but I\'m also seeing a counselor this time to help me adjust to being gay, rather than trying to help me change.
I have no idea about what changes I need to make either right now, other than finally moving out of my house. When my mom died, she left it to my brother and me. Considering the financial condition I was in after I left Seminary, it was impossible for me to find a place by myself. I have a standing offer from a straight friend of mine to room with him, but now it would mean moving out of state. Not sure I\'m ready to that either.
Opps... Guess I\'m sort of like you in that I don\'t ever write anything brief. I\'ll stop now.