get me out of here....

Coming home is instant stress. instant worry. instant insanity. and they called me before i came home to make sure i had something to worry about. my horse broke out the fence and ruined a bale of hay, so i have to re do fences... no biggie really, my dog cant be in house, this that this that.... ugh. it all could have waited till i got home. why the F did she have to call on my last day gone? well im home. and im done. as soon as i get money i am out. i cant handle my dog living like this, i cant be like this. they stress me out, and this is not a place where i want to be in my life. i want to be peaceful and have goals and plans. im heartbroken about how my horses look, because they havent been getting fed. it hurts. im giving them away. i cant board them elsewhere. and i dont feel comfortable paying here to have them taken care of. im just going to settle for a cheap apartment, then jump state as soon as i can. im tired of all this. i love washington. i love my mountains and trees and fresh breeze and lakes. but how often do i swim? how often do i fish? how often do i do those things becasue of the weather or other things? i dont. i will miss the ocean incredibly. but i never go enjoy it out here anyway. there are nice lakes in AZ. and you can swim year round pretty much. i could get a couple jet skis. i could get my medical stuff looked at, cause i will get medical through work. i wont have to worry about matt, or my family cept on occassions. and austin will be with me. i just hope he is really serious about moving with me. and that we can do what it takes together to do this. im just worried now about our temporary housing. i cant live with him where he is. there is no room. even less room then here in a way. and if i get my own place, well, he will be there all the time, but i dont think he wants to live with me yet, and he feels obligated to his room mates/friends. we would be paying alot of rent money going out together that we could be savig i guess. i dont know. im not too worried about it. im more worried with getting out of here, and of course, its all in a rush. no time to plan about furnature, and such. and im a little scared, im goin to be alone.