Gentle breezes
Yesterday i was able to open all the windows. The gentle gusts from storm cooled everything down nicely. At about 3am this morning the wind and rain came but was over in a flash. Now it is gusting just slightly. It feels nice to have some fresh air.
I have found that over the last year my place of solitude has been my bed in the back bedroom. I go there to have my coffee, read and think. It scares me to think I could be alone for the rest of my life but i am trying to except it. Yes i have the roomie for the time being but it wont last long. Either May will come or his unhealthy lifestyle will take him. My anxiety is rising because holidays are coming soon. I have already told him that i will not be going to his familys house.
I wish i did not have to go to work. Id stay in this room or find a "treehouse" and stay indefinately.
Replies
I can't handle being trapped in a room for very long, but I have done the indefinite wilderness stays. It was not the same thing as a wilderness retreat. By the time I was forced back among my own kind (does I really have to *be* one of those nasty human critters?), I was more delusional than ever.
Sigh. . . Where are my easy answers? ? ?
Continued support while you work out your own. Be patient with the process. If change was easy, everybody would do ^it^.
I am still frequently amazed at the diff some fresh air can make. It's like breathing is an essential activity, or something.
Im already thinking when ill go back to the treehouse...hoping next weekend perhaps.
Wishing I could wake up feeling peaceful. Instead i wake up feeling restless.
Those peaceful awakenings are sublime, but making my peace with the restless awakenings leads me to some profound places, both literally and figuratively. Too much peace can cause stagnation. I've often wondered if the boredom of Peace is the *real* cause of war.
Just wondering. . . Mostly letting the mystery be.
I heard somewhere that if you think of happy thoughts before you fall asleep, you will have happy dreams and wake up feeling happy.