General Whatnots....
So, I've been 'clocked out' for a few days. Spent most of the weekend playing a video game and hiding away from the world. I felt Ok, not nearly as depressed as I usually feel, but because of several arguments/frustrations with my family, I didn't want to do anything. Then on Tuesday, DH and I went out to my parents place for the night, DH played games with my brother and I hung out with my parents. Unfortunately my mother was having a huuuge anxiety driven meltdown, so that made ME feel worse. I wanted to run away and go home, but I stuck it out cuz I was there for Dad and so DH could spend some time with my brother. It's really the first time (well, these past few months are) they've gotten to spend any time with each other.
We came home yesterday evening and I was so tired, we spent the evening doing not much of anything. Today, I slept in so I didn't have time to check in here before I left. I forgot my lunch, so I stopped at the local market and picked up some lovely items from a local bakery ($5 for a large pizza bun and equally large raisin butter tart is amazing!). Then I headed up to the dollar store to pick up a couple of things. When I left, I shoved it all into my backpack, but my hand slipped and I ended up cutting my finger on the clipboard I'd bought, so I had to run back in and grab a box of band aids (I really should keep these things on me at all times, I'm such a clutz!), while waiting in line, all I could think was 'so it's going to be one of those days?!?'.
Then, I went to my local Indigo (book store) and bought the book Mind Over Mood (I talked about this in my CBT group journal). It was a bit more expensive than I thought it would be, but was still cheap at $23 something (including tax). Done with my shopping, I headed to the once bustling Catholic hospital turned outpatient clinics where my CBT group is held and sat in the lobby sweating to death and eating my pizza bun. As I was finishing, I saw one of the ladies from group heading to the elevators to sit in the waiting room, so I packed up my stuff and went to keep her company.
Group went well, but unfortunately L has decided after 3 sessions that group therapy is just not what she needs and is backing out of the group. She's going to stick with one on one therapy though, which is great. Sad to see her go though. W seems to be having a really rough time, but she's moving this weekend, so I think that's making things somewhat worse for her.
We get homework every week, and when I was sat here, concentrating on doing last week's homework over the weekend, I made a few huge realizations. Most of the problems with my familial relations (mum, dad, brothers) stem from my mother's anxiety and over reactions. I realized that if you take my mum out of the situation, we'd all have a great time and get along fine. The last two groups, we talked about what things in our lives were adding to our depression and anxieties and my family factored heavily in that. Today, I focused on my self instead of my family, realizing that my issues with my family weren't things I can take care of. The group leader quizzed me on why I put my family relations at #6 in our value assessment chart, and I told her this. She sat there stunned and then praised me for 'moving mountains' with my depression and anxiety this week. That made me feel really good.
It's also CD17, and I've not ovulated yet, though I didn't ovulate til CD22 last month. I'm charting my temp and doing the LH strips this time, but to make things less daunting, I told DH that we're going to have some 'fun' every few days (even if there's only a 5 min quickie thrown in sometime during the day) and not time anything specifically. I'll be keeping track, and charting it all down, but he won't be hearing any of it. So yeah... hopefully something good happens!
Oh, I almost forgot. DH and I submitted an application to get pre-approved with a new rental company. We're looking into renting one of their many 3 bedroom town homes so we can a) have more space and b) have an extra bedroom in case of this working or visiting family needing a place to sleep. It'll give DH a 'man cave' in the basement and me a crafting space (because the dog's crate will go in the man cave instead of our computer room like it currently is). It'll also give us a dining table to sit down at so we're not sitting in front of the TV or computers while we eat. We've received a call on Monday to say they got the application and can proceed on processing as soon as they receive proof of income for DH (since I don't work). He faxed it to them on Monday, so now we're playing the waiting game, waiting for them to call back and tell us if we've been approved or not!
We came home yesterday evening and I was so tired, we spent the evening doing not much of anything. Today, I slept in so I didn't have time to check in here before I left. I forgot my lunch, so I stopped at the local market and picked up some lovely items from a local bakery ($5 for a large pizza bun and equally large raisin butter tart is amazing!). Then I headed up to the dollar store to pick up a couple of things. When I left, I shoved it all into my backpack, but my hand slipped and I ended up cutting my finger on the clipboard I'd bought, so I had to run back in and grab a box of band aids (I really should keep these things on me at all times, I'm such a clutz!), while waiting in line, all I could think was 'so it's going to be one of those days?!?'.
Then, I went to my local Indigo (book store) and bought the book Mind Over Mood (I talked about this in my CBT group journal). It was a bit more expensive than I thought it would be, but was still cheap at $23 something (including tax). Done with my shopping, I headed to the once bustling Catholic hospital turned outpatient clinics where my CBT group is held and sat in the lobby sweating to death and eating my pizza bun. As I was finishing, I saw one of the ladies from group heading to the elevators to sit in the waiting room, so I packed up my stuff and went to keep her company.
Group went well, but unfortunately L has decided after 3 sessions that group therapy is just not what she needs and is backing out of the group. She's going to stick with one on one therapy though, which is great. Sad to see her go though. W seems to be having a really rough time, but she's moving this weekend, so I think that's making things somewhat worse for her.
We get homework every week, and when I was sat here, concentrating on doing last week's homework over the weekend, I made a few huge realizations. Most of the problems with my familial relations (mum, dad, brothers) stem from my mother's anxiety and over reactions. I realized that if you take my mum out of the situation, we'd all have a great time and get along fine. The last two groups, we talked about what things in our lives were adding to our depression and anxieties and my family factored heavily in that. Today, I focused on my self instead of my family, realizing that my issues with my family weren't things I can take care of. The group leader quizzed me on why I put my family relations at #6 in our value assessment chart, and I told her this. She sat there stunned and then praised me for 'moving mountains' with my depression and anxiety this week. That made me feel really good.
It's also CD17, and I've not ovulated yet, though I didn't ovulate til CD22 last month. I'm charting my temp and doing the LH strips this time, but to make things less daunting, I told DH that we're going to have some 'fun' every few days (even if there's only a 5 min quickie thrown in sometime during the day) and not time anything specifically. I'll be keeping track, and charting it all down, but he won't be hearing any of it. So yeah... hopefully something good happens!
Oh, I almost forgot. DH and I submitted an application to get pre-approved with a new rental company. We're looking into renting one of their many 3 bedroom town homes so we can a) have more space and b) have an extra bedroom in case of this working or visiting family needing a place to sleep. It'll give DH a 'man cave' in the basement and me a crafting space (because the dog's crate will go in the man cave instead of our computer room like it currently is). It'll also give us a dining table to sit down at so we're not sitting in front of the TV or computers while we eat. We've received a call on Monday to say they got the application and can proceed on processing as soon as they receive proof of income for DH (since I don't work). He faxed it to them on Monday, so now we're playing the waiting game, waiting for them to call back and tell us if we've been approved or not!
Replies
WOW - you always have such wordy journals, but I love them. Glad to see you are still going to group and I hope you see the benefit of it. You are right, sometimes there are ppl in our lives who are just \"toxic\" - if they were removed then things would be quieter, more fun, relaxed, etc. But we can\'t remove them or control them so we have to learn to control ourselves when we are around them. One of the great complications of life. :) I hope you get the new 3 bedroom and I hope you ovulate soon and NEED that 3 bedroom in about 9 months. :)
hehe, I didn\'t realize til I posted it that it was quite that long. I do tend to be very wordy, especially now that I\'ve started creative writing.
My Mum is quite toxic, which is unfortunate because if she\'d gotten help for her anxiety and other issues, we\'d be very close right now.
As for the 3 bed, yeah, I\'m hoping that by the time we move we \'need\' that extra room. We won\'t be moving til August 1st if we get approved, since we have to give 2 months notice to the current place.