General update on EVERYTHING
Medical: I did go see my doctor a couple of weeks ago to see if he would refer me to a specialist in Nashville, TN for thyroid testing. I have heard that a person can have thyroid problems and nothing will show on standard tests for 5, 10, even 15 years. Hypothyroidism can be triggered by severe EBV, and I have 8 of the 10 symptoms for a hypothyroid. My doctor told me that we'd do the standard test. If anything showed up, he'd call me. Then he really did tell me that I was overdue for a mammogram. So that became the primary focus of my visit.
Hey, docs!!!! Shove your mammograms. Your worried about the very small chance of me dying of breast cancer when I'm not really alive, anyway???? How bout we stick you in that mammogram machine to make sure you don't die from testicular cancer? Next step: see if the thyroid specialty clinic accepts medicare, tricare, and self-referrals.
House: Our house is now $15,000 of stable. We still have work to do on the inside ---- lots of cracked walls and peeling sheet rock tape. Tim is working on the front porch. It had to come off for the contractors to do the work on the foundation. Thank goodness the porch roof didn't have to come down, too. That would have been another expensive mess. The house will never be perfect, but it is stable now. The doors will close, and I can no longer stick the broom handle between the rock chimney wall and the sheet rock wall! Woo-hoo!!! Do you know how much better that makes me feel???
Marriage: I feel better, but I am still not completely at ease. We are focusing on the present, and not talking about the future ...... scary. I want to talk about the future, but I know if I press Tim about it, he will get angry.
We had pictures of his family hanging on our walls. I took half of those photos myself, had them enlarged, and put in the frames. He took those photos down in December and took them with him when he left. He has put his mounted bobcat, his large military award plaque, and a few other things back up. But he hasn't put the photos of his family back up. That bugs me. Has he just not thought about it, or is he intentionally putting it off? The other day, he asked me if I wanted to paint the living room a different color. Maybe he's just waiting until we finish the house repairs? Anyway, I don't want to change out living room. The walls are Moroccan Sand beige, the curtains are two-tone sage green, and the love seat and sofa are black leather. Those colors seem so earthy and natural to me. They convey peace and comfort. Tim's military plaque, which hangs on a living room wall, is an army green background in a black frame.
In 2007, Tim threw out TV away. He said he didn't like TV and that I didn't need to watch it, anyway. My mom and dad bought me a TV for Christmas. It's just a small 24" screen, but it's wonderful to have something to look at besides the walls when I'm too tired to do anything else. Before Tim came back, I told him that he'd just have to deal with it. After about a month, Tim decided that we needed a bigger TV, so he went out and bought a 32"!!! We watched the football playoffs together, and we watch UK basketball games!!! In the Valentine's card that Tim gave me today, he said that he was sorry that he'd made such a mess, and that he was working on getting better.
I think ME/CFS/SEID, or whatever they are calling it now is just as hard on our spouses and families as it is on us.
My daughter is taking college algebra right now. She hasn't done serious math in more than 10 years. And the class is a block class, which means they do a 16-week course in 8 weeks. Rachel has made Dean's list 3 semesters in a row, and she is determined to keep it that way. I have been driving the 30 + miles to her house twice a week to tutor her. The class meets twice a week on campus, but there are no text books and work has to be done on-line. For student security purposes, we only have access to the class work on her computer. The classroom teacher only lectures. She does not do examples or take questions. There is no interaction between teacher and students!!! STOOOPID!!! That's not the way you teach a math class! So, I teach my daughter, and my daughter teaches her classmates! Ha!!!!
Jazz, Rachel's African Grey Congo Parrot, is another story: the bird cage is in the same room as the computer. A few days ago, Rachel and I were talking mathematical functions: linear, non-linear, parabolas, circles, radicals, powers, composites, rationalizing numerators, and so on ...... the bird chimes in and says, "I don't understand!" No! As much as I love math and teaching, I'm not teaching mathematics to a bird! (Our DS Wonkey Bird is an exception, of course!)
I feel good knowing that after the stroke and with cfs, I can still do the math and communicate it in a way that is much easier to understand than the so-called professor. I love math. I love teaching math .... geometry, pre-algebra, algebra, math history .... I wish I could still do it all day long in a classroom full of students!
But, wow!!! between the marriage stress, the house, the cooking from scratch, and the tutoring ... Ouch! I'm crashing. Rachel and her husband took us out eat last night. We met at their house. I drove. 10 miles out, I knew that I didn't need to be driving. I've felt lightheaded and a bit disconnected for a few days, and the driving at night with all of the bright headlights and streetlights just made it worse!!! I felt like I was fighting for control all the way! Tim drove home. If I don't slow down for a few days, I'm going to crash HARD.
I'm trying to catch up with you on your journals! Happy Valentine's Day to all DS friends.
Hey, docs!!!! Shove your mammograms. Your worried about the very small chance of me dying of breast cancer when I'm not really alive, anyway???? How bout we stick you in that mammogram machine to make sure you don't die from testicular cancer? Next step: see if the thyroid specialty clinic accepts medicare, tricare, and self-referrals.
House: Our house is now $15,000 of stable. We still have work to do on the inside ---- lots of cracked walls and peeling sheet rock tape. Tim is working on the front porch. It had to come off for the contractors to do the work on the foundation. Thank goodness the porch roof didn't have to come down, too. That would have been another expensive mess. The house will never be perfect, but it is stable now. The doors will close, and I can no longer stick the broom handle between the rock chimney wall and the sheet rock wall! Woo-hoo!!! Do you know how much better that makes me feel???
Marriage: I feel better, but I am still not completely at ease. We are focusing on the present, and not talking about the future ...... scary. I want to talk about the future, but I know if I press Tim about it, he will get angry.
We had pictures of his family hanging on our walls. I took half of those photos myself, had them enlarged, and put in the frames. He took those photos down in December and took them with him when he left. He has put his mounted bobcat, his large military award plaque, and a few other things back up. But he hasn't put the photos of his family back up. That bugs me. Has he just not thought about it, or is he intentionally putting it off? The other day, he asked me if I wanted to paint the living room a different color. Maybe he's just waiting until we finish the house repairs? Anyway, I don't want to change out living room. The walls are Moroccan Sand beige, the curtains are two-tone sage green, and the love seat and sofa are black leather. Those colors seem so earthy and natural to me. They convey peace and comfort. Tim's military plaque, which hangs on a living room wall, is an army green background in a black frame.
In 2007, Tim threw out TV away. He said he didn't like TV and that I didn't need to watch it, anyway. My mom and dad bought me a TV for Christmas. It's just a small 24" screen, but it's wonderful to have something to look at besides the walls when I'm too tired to do anything else. Before Tim came back, I told him that he'd just have to deal with it. After about a month, Tim decided that we needed a bigger TV, so he went out and bought a 32"!!! We watched the football playoffs together, and we watch UK basketball games!!! In the Valentine's card that Tim gave me today, he said that he was sorry that he'd made such a mess, and that he was working on getting better.
I think ME/CFS/SEID, or whatever they are calling it now is just as hard on our spouses and families as it is on us.
My daughter is taking college algebra right now. She hasn't done serious math in more than 10 years. And the class is a block class, which means they do a 16-week course in 8 weeks. Rachel has made Dean's list 3 semesters in a row, and she is determined to keep it that way. I have been driving the 30 + miles to her house twice a week to tutor her. The class meets twice a week on campus, but there are no text books and work has to be done on-line. For student security purposes, we only have access to the class work on her computer. The classroom teacher only lectures. She does not do examples or take questions. There is no interaction between teacher and students!!! STOOOPID!!! That's not the way you teach a math class! So, I teach my daughter, and my daughter teaches her classmates! Ha!!!!
Jazz, Rachel's African Grey Congo Parrot, is another story: the bird cage is in the same room as the computer. A few days ago, Rachel and I were talking mathematical functions: linear, non-linear, parabolas, circles, radicals, powers, composites, rationalizing numerators, and so on ...... the bird chimes in and says, "I don't understand!" No! As much as I love math and teaching, I'm not teaching mathematics to a bird! (Our DS Wonkey Bird is an exception, of course!)
I feel good knowing that after the stroke and with cfs, I can still do the math and communicate it in a way that is much easier to understand than the so-called professor. I love math. I love teaching math .... geometry, pre-algebra, algebra, math history .... I wish I could still do it all day long in a classroom full of students!
But, wow!!! between the marriage stress, the house, the cooking from scratch, and the tutoring ... Ouch! I'm crashing. Rachel and her husband took us out eat last night. We met at their house. I drove. 10 miles out, I knew that I didn't need to be driving. I've felt lightheaded and a bit disconnected for a few days, and the driving at night with all of the bright headlights and streetlights just made it worse!!! I felt like I was fighting for control all the way! Tim drove home. If I don't slow down for a few days, I'm going to crash HARD.
I'm trying to catch up with you on your journals! Happy Valentine's Day to all DS friends.
Replies
Wow! Awesome catch up journal, Nancy! I\'m really glad that Tim gave you a Valentine card. In this whole journal, that\'s what I keyed in on. That shows some kind of intention on his part, to communicate with you and show affection. I\'m thrilled. I realize that there are still troubles present and things you two have to work through...but I see a willingness in him that I think you thought had left. NOT SO! Give it to the Lord. All good things in time. Tim needs to work some things out in his personal life. That is obvious. You just got caught in the middle of his dysfunctional time. Praying that you two keep heading in the right direction.
So good of you to spend the time tutoring Rachael! I hate math (the world hates math, Nancy), however, I totally people who can understand it and even more, those who can teach it to others! GOOD ON YOU! I know you are happy to help your daughter keep up those good grades!
You are right, our illness is every bit as hard on our spouses and families as any other chronic illness. We are weak and sick and missing out on stuff, and it hurts them deeply to see us suffer. We do our best. I think that our families knows that there is nothing fake about what we are going through. Maybe this newly formed diagnosis (as silly as it sounds, DIES backwards, LOL) will help them see that none of us are faking one single thing. It\'s real. We suffer. We need their love and understanding.
Praying for a good 2015 for you and Tim! xo
Yoohoo PilotRock.Sure is a lot going on in your life there.Good things though.Great news that your house is being repaired, something that you really wanted.It seems that Tim is really making an effort with the marriage too.He even bought you a new TV.He seems to be loosening his grip a little , a bit more give and take hey.Funny about the bird getting in on the math class.Made me laugh.Your daughter is very fortunate to have a smart cookie mama teaching her.The education department is failing when they lose that personal reciprocation of teacher and student.Questions and answers are vital.
Interesting about the thyroid testing.My blood tests always showed a normal range, however the saliva tests showed I had slighty underactive thyroid function. The Eagles are in Australia but not coming here.I know you and I are both fans.I will just have to imagine myself there at their concert.So..Take it easy my friend have some rest up times so you don\'t burn and crash.You do so much.Hope things continue to improve.Happy days and hugs Di xo
I am so glad you can shut doors now and don\'t have to worry so much about the house falling down around you. That must be such a big relief! And maybe you will have fewer mice, now. I think you are wise to take things slowly with Tim. It sounds like he is on the right track, and has good intentions, but it won\'t hurt to give it more time before you trust him completely. I\'m glad you got a bigger TV and can enjoy watching things together. I almost never watched TV before I got sick, but it is important to me know because it takes a lot less effort than reading or other activities. Have you been tested for Hashimoto\'s? I have that(autoimmune thyroid disease). I have a lot of symptoms that are thyroid related, but my blood work is all still normal. I hope you find out some answers from the doctor - thyroids are tricky!
I am with you on the mammograms. Ouch. Hope that you can get the answers you are looking for with your thyroid
Good to hear that your getting your house foundation work done. That is so important with a house. Here we live in a little \"row\"house four to a lot. there were cracks beginning in our neighbors house,they couldn\'t shut their inside garage door. They took down the tree that was on our side yards. So we will see if that was the issue. We don\'t have any cracks here in our house, *knock on wood*
That is so neat! that you enjoy numbers and math. And are helping your daughter who then helps her classmates! I agree with you ,that is a odd way to teach math,not showing examples,or questions or any interaction. You should be the instructor!! Cute about your daughters parrot. I am with him,I do well and have trouble understanding algebra.
Would it upset your husband if you asked him why he has not put up those family pictures? I like your color scheme for the living room. Nice.
I hope that you and your husband continue to grow together and that what ever troubles were or are there,that they can be ironed out.
I am with you on having tv. I don\'t watch a lot of it but its good to have. Many Hugs and Best Wishes PR and greenies
Congratulations on the house! I am so happy to hear you are safe and secure. It must be a relief. I am sure as you see the house improving your health will improve too. I am also happy for you that Tim was able to put that in your card. It is such a change to the man before Xmas. Maybe give him time with his family photos, they may be the cause of some of his upset, without you knowing it. men and their families are often full of mystery.
It\'s great to hear you have been doing maths with your daughter and something you love. Not so great that you are crashing, but you have done so much. However rest, pace, rest - the ultimate mantra! Pace yourself and you will be able to do it all, I am sure. Just so happy to hear positive changes, pace and stay in control of your health and the world is your oyster! Much love and healing xxx