General rambling
So I did not get on here to update lately due to technical difficulties - but I am back online and even feeling better.
The other day I spent about an hour telling all my fears to my husband - and he told me his. They were pretty much the same fears, mostly about the word CANCER. It was very carthetic for the both of us. We are very much on the same page of just about everything. But hearing it made me feel so much better I could not believe it. I curled up in his arms and cried for about half an hour - and haven't cried since. As I have cried at least once a day for the last three months, five days of not crying at all is great.
Overall, I am slowly feeling better. I have gotten strong enough that I can stay awake all day - though sometimes "day" ends at 8pm. My general body aches are starting to fade, though the sharp pains in my throat are - well I don't want to say they are gettign worse, more that as my general pain lessens, I have now noticed that I have two spots in the surgery area that if I move just wrong have sharp stabbing pains. I am pretty sure it is the radiation still at work. The Dr said it woudl be a full 80 days before it was out of my system, and it has only been a month.
I am still not able to play with my horses. I tried last weekend, but after grooming the two horses and working with the filly for about 10 minutes - I got so dizzy I had to stumble to a wall to lean against it so as not to fall. My husband brought me a chair. After about 15 minutes when it was obivious I was not going to recover, he unsaddled the filly and put all my tack away. I helped him put them back out in thier paddock and had lots of fun tossing them treats and apples.
Slow and steady. I am getting better. I will get through this.
I have managed to get though my first two classes of the quarter - both were three hours long each. I have another three hour class tonight and then a seven hour class on Saturday that I am not looking forward to, but I think I can do it.
The other day I spent about an hour telling all my fears to my husband - and he told me his. They were pretty much the same fears, mostly about the word CANCER. It was very carthetic for the both of us. We are very much on the same page of just about everything. But hearing it made me feel so much better I could not believe it. I curled up in his arms and cried for about half an hour - and haven't cried since. As I have cried at least once a day for the last three months, five days of not crying at all is great.
Overall, I am slowly feeling better. I have gotten strong enough that I can stay awake all day - though sometimes "day" ends at 8pm. My general body aches are starting to fade, though the sharp pains in my throat are - well I don't want to say they are gettign worse, more that as my general pain lessens, I have now noticed that I have two spots in the surgery area that if I move just wrong have sharp stabbing pains. I am pretty sure it is the radiation still at work. The Dr said it woudl be a full 80 days before it was out of my system, and it has only been a month.
I am still not able to play with my horses. I tried last weekend, but after grooming the two horses and working with the filly for about 10 minutes - I got so dizzy I had to stumble to a wall to lean against it so as not to fall. My husband brought me a chair. After about 15 minutes when it was obivious I was not going to recover, he unsaddled the filly and put all my tack away. I helped him put them back out in thier paddock and had lots of fun tossing them treats and apples.
Slow and steady. I am getting better. I will get through this.
I have managed to get though my first two classes of the quarter - both were three hours long each. I have another three hour class tonight and then a seven hour class on Saturday that I am not looking forward to, but I think I can do it.
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