\"General Misc. Thoughts...\"

Today was visit #2 with my new therapist.  She read the criteria for PTSD (as a confirmation thing..."to make sure that I am diagnosing you right"), and boy, oh, boy...HOT DAMN, what do  you know?  She was right! Just in one area (where the patient has to meet at least 3 criteria), I met 5 criteria for that area alone!  I asked her to look up OCD criteria for the next visit in 2 weeks (and I explained why). She said that she would and that we would talk about it next time. I also told her that I "don't understand why I am so angry, so hateful and all this other bullshit that is going on with me."  The other bullshit is this: going through the motions of life, like living in a fog during the day, that I hate my life as a result but NOT suicidal, either. I guess I am just rambling right now...I really don't know.  When I get angry and it starts to get out of control (I start to 'blackout' yet still fully functional), I do blackout a little bit, but then I start to control myself so no one gets hurt or anything else that would get me into some type of trouble with the law or anyone else. My mind is in a fog, so to speak, but yet at the same time, it is racing with no random thoughts, ideas, etc. etc.  Like a bunch of static and noise on an ill-tuned radio station...You know, the one where the local station has 2 ads playing at the same time or something similar?  Some days, my head just feels like it has a bunch of scrambled eggs for brains in it!