General LDR stuff and divorce among other things

Generally down this evening. I get mixed signals from the LDR. One week she says she wants to see me in the spring. The next week she says I shouldn't be saying things since I am still married, I say on paper and she says not right. I realized on paper I am but the end started when my daughter went to college in 2002. I just want to get through this divorce which could be any day now. I've been separated for so long. I deal with ADD, MDD, OCPD, social anxiety disorder. Some days are better than others. My new grand baby ( first one ) arrived on the 25th of Feb. The LDR says I can't move to my hometown when my daughter and grand daughter are here in the area. The LDR lady says don't think about moving there with all this stuff I am going through, and I shouldn't think this way or another. I hate being told what I can or can't do. Mixed signals and mixed emotions are difficult for me now. I am so grateful and happy my grand daughter is here. And yet, I bear this guilt because I want to be with the one I care about in my hometown. One day at a time, one task at a time, one foot in front of the other. Damn I miss her so very much. The heartache, the crying because she is almost 800 miles away. All this just sucks except for the new grand baby and my daughter and son in law are new parents. I look forward to seeing her as much as I can. 21 and 3/4" long and nearly 9 lbs in 11 days already. So much I have been unable to focus on it's all so overwhelming. Please God, just pick me up when I need you so I can get through this.