Gambling

As an alcoholic, I avoid things that I know I can easily become addictive to. Gambling would fall into that category. I've got a few friends who love to gamble. They'll make weekend adventures out of it and sometimes they'll come home with money and sometimes they'll come home broke. I recently met a family who spends their Christmas season in Vegas. They gamble for a week... things like this just blow my mind with how folks can just "play" with their money. Now I'm not saying I'm squeaky clean. I do play the lottery... at most I get two tickets a week. Nothing serious and that is it. I have never stepped foot in a casino just because of my fear of becoming addicted to it. Anyway, I was relaxing tonight and meditating on my past financial disasters. Almost all of them were a form of gambling. I would write a check on Wednesday and race to the bank on Friday when I got my paycheck just to make sure the check didn't bounce. And when I succeeded I felt a natural high, that I beat the system. But then eventually, I would be late and get hit with overdraft charges and it would snowball from there. I used to look at it as a way to manage money I didn't have and was just trying to survive. The truth is... I was gambling... and in time I became addicted to that lifestyle and the drama it brought. The ultimate high when I didn't bounce a check, then total shame when it did happen. A horrible way to live. This past year, for the first time in well over 30 years, I am debt free. I quit my form of gambling three years ago and began to accept responsibility for my finances. I look back now and see how insane that lifestyle was. Living paycheck to paycheck... bounced check to bounced check... As an ACOA, I finally grew up and realized that if I had some money in my wallet, it wouldn't burn a hole in it if I didn't spend it. Recovery has taught me that I can make money work for me and not have me work for money... it is a lot more peaceful and I don't miss the drama at all...